The other day I had a bit of a scare when I had a small seizure. It immediately brought me back to the present moment lived with God! As it turned out the following morning it appears to be quite normal with this condition and the new medication. However you can not help thinking of the tumour advancing with nothing that can be done. During the night I went through the phase of really not liking the condition I am in. I really don't want to get worse and die, I don't want to be in this position when I loose everything and just be in the house! I think this is very real and I suspect I would not be human if I did not feel like this at times.
However, there is a different take and dimension to all this. I read a meditation by Chiara "Prepare for the hour" in which she describes watching Giosi die. It was horrible in one sense, but so was Jesus dying on the cross! I remembered what I read somewhere yesterday: Love conquers all! All means all! I returned to three important aspects of my life:
- To love always and be outside myself in the present moment. I need to be in the present looking outwards all the time. I will never be at a loss for occasions to love! And the only thing I truly have to love is the present.
- In order to love always I need to be immersed in God There are so many negatives around me and in me, that the more I am in God speaking with him, thinking first and foremost to do things for him, entrusting things to him, people, joys, sufferings, etc the more I will see the gifts he leaves for me. The challenge then is amongst all the things to do etc, He comes first. Not easy but he will help me in the present.
- I cannot live my journey on my own if I want to live a collective spirituality of unity. Together we will have Jesus present amongst us if we love one another as he has loved us, as he loves us. Jesus always leaves me free to love him, even when I get it wrong. I need to do the same, not tell others what is right or wrong but simply offering what gift God has given me for that moment! Jesus taught me to love in that way when he died for me on the cross.
Jesus, allow me to be around a bit longer so that I can live more fully with others immersed in your reality, your life and to bring your love. In the mean time I offer you my life as I did 30 years ago for you to do with as you think best. I am truly blest to be able to live with you present every moment of my life.
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