No reason not to start again

Going to church this morning I really reflected during the homily. It does not happen often, but today was a gift from God reflecting on Christian love and on not giving scandal. Just yesterday a lady asked me why I do not remove my hood in church. I had the impression that she was not at all happy about it. When I explained that it was  to keep my head warm due to the factor that I have a brain tumour she is turned away. I felt justified in my actions. When I came to Mass this morning she was watching. I remembered that love is not to give scandal and so I removed the cap also thinking that God will look after me anyway, and DIM? Those things are really not important! Returning home, I found a piece by Chiara entitled "Christian." It 's wonderful!

The Christian is one who loves.
Christians are people who love each other.
The Christian is poor, must be poor,
even though God gives the hundredfold in everything:
brothers, sisters, houses, goods, which he distributes and allows others to take part in.

First of all, love! To start with we are so different from the world already! We want the good of others .. always! We want to live always in God's love, together. So I have to be poor, even of my ideas.  When I'm really poor and I am free to love, but also free to accept the gifts that God gives me through others. More love, more can be seen on the outside. So yesterday I got a blender to make smoothies! It's not just providence, but especially the visible expression of God's love! You can see the love of God!

The Christian is pure, loves the cross,

living for the next life,

Please, is united with God more deeply.

Here, then, the secret of our love! Jesus on the Cross, always stay with me even when I fall into judgement  like this morning, I briefly said to myself that my parish priest does not know what to do with my sharing some spiritual reflections with him. I judge because I expect something from him, even unintentionally. That's where my love for Jesus on the Cross comes in! In this pain I can be similar in a little way to him on the cross. We are all free because freedom is a gift from God! In this moment the pain is certainly a cross for me, but I just love you, Jesus, because you are always there, either in our midst on on the cross!. 

So we Christians are really different from the world! On the way home I briefly read something in the Italian New City magazine. I have not read the magazine for a long time. Immediately It came to me to say: "They do not understand anything." Then I realized that I was judging. I put myself above them without any experience of journalism! Of course maybe I can express my opinion as a reader, but only when it is really love, free from any judgement.  I'll have to wait before I say a few things so that everything I say will be an expression of love for my neighbour, will be a bit of God's love! Then I discover that God does the same thing with me: He does not judge, he waits, because love can wait! The waiting time is probably different: God waits a nano second, I probably have to wait a few hours or days, but it doesn't matter.  Again as Christians we are different! The Christian

Does not judge, but has mercy,
is patient and gentle,
is a bearer of peace, light,
and is leaven in our society, gives flavour to everything
has with his brothers and sisters Christ in their midst!

What a challenge! Only my love to Jesus on the Cross, the starting again together in  every moment, to live our holy journey gives me a lot of hope, because alone I can not do it! And there is never a reason not to love because before all else God has loved me first and always will! No reason then not to start again! I will really be a Christian and a Focolarino!

Love everyone without strings attached

What was the first lesson that a member of the Christian community learned to live? It was love. Love was the first and only command of Jesus and also the first experience of the Christian.

Chiara to the Gen in 1971. It reminded me of my first meeting with the spirituality of unity and the fact that I was attracted to it because of the authentic way of life. It was not a nice theory, but a very practical reality, sometimes easy, sometimes not so easy. I concluded that when it was not so easy it was probably to do with  the size of my ego. 

"Love one another", really comes before everything else! 

Yesterday I was talking to a friend for a long time via skype  following the death of a loved one. I realised that in order to have the love Jesus talks about I needed to become him, a man who suddenly has lost what is most dear to him, who does not understand the world any more and who rightly says: "I don't deserve this!" I could understand his reasoning, his battle with the inexplicable. There was a moment in which I realised that I had a real gift which I certainly don't deserve: I have Love itself as my constant companion! Jesus, who is God, who is Love itself, is always with me. I found myself often referring to Maria and Stacie in my conversation with him, because I suddenly understood that the reality of living for each other goes much deeper than simply words: I offer my life in that moment on that day for Maria and Stacie as they do for me. Perhaps offer is not the right word, it is really short for I will love Jesus in the present moment because I know if you do the same we will meet in that present moment in God, who is love!! Wow, what a privilege, what a tremendous gift. So, yesterday, tiredness, the new limitations of my life (tiredness, lack of concentration, lack of appetite, being very hungry, the frustrations from all that, the sufferings in others who are in pain and the impossibility for me to do anything about it, all that is very real. But what is more real is as Jesus on the cross, despite the pain I carry on playing, I carry on loving in the present. Knowing that others, in particular Maria and Stacie do the same "forces" God to be amongst us. We have all that without merit! Despite our falls we can start again!And every time I start again my love for other has less strings attached! I am gradually becoming free of everything; a sometimes painful process, but one that has the biggest reward: God himself. 

When someone cries, we cry with him. And someone laughs, we laugh with him. And so it is that the cross is carried by many shoulders, and  the joy is multiplied and shared by many hearts.

Become one with others is a way, the road to becoming one with God. 

How true this is! Jesus help me to forget myself in my constant love for you in the present moment. Let me me be attentive that nobody passes me today without being touched by your love.  It is when this way of loving is mutual that you are amongst us, because there is only love amongst us. Suddenly the dream team becomes a real powerhouse, a divine engine with all the sufferings and pains as combustion! We are truly free then, because we are truly in God's hand, a Father that only wants the best for each one of us!

Lucky to be loved

Talking together here at home I realized two very simple things:

1. I do not like pain! But I am consoled because also Jesus did not being crucified!
2. The fact of being sick should not become an excuse for letting myself go!

Jesus, first of all a big thank you for giving me to understand these things no alone but together with you!

The fact that pain is not nice, pleasant, does not mean that therefore I am exempted to love Jesus in my neighbour. I can not limit myself to saying in my heart I love GA, my best friend, and then do nothing!

I can not be the sick person that needs serving all round, but I have to be active, because love is also action. I find this also a little going against the current because a lot of people tell me to take it easy, not to worry. I have worked for and worried about others all my life, now its my turn to be served. I am not happy with that although it is well meant, because love does not count, and works out what is owed! In that case with God who would ever be right!

So how can I love in my situation? I thought about this in the last two days:

Remain immersed in God by living my experience together with others. For me this means watching less TV, which does not help me to be immersed in God. Maybe I could read more, which is not my strong point, but maybe it is an important way to love. In addition, instead of waking up and almost automatically make a programme full of things to do, also because I am used to that, I have to remember my first job is not do too much, even with my mind, but follow what the doctors say. It is what God want from me now.  If I am tired I rest, I accept my limitations with a new serenity. I think I have to use everything to be in God and with him. In this I have to find a new balance. Not easy, but my love for Jesus forsaken and living the present moment helps!

Communicate what God gives me to understand and to live as an act of love, disinterested in any echo or feedback and always aware that it is a gift, it is love made visible. I'm just the vehicle to go to God together, as someone else is the vehicle to organize, speak, think, listen, repair cars, etc. The instrument is not more important than the person who holds it: God.  I learned this again when I wrote a little experience to the parish priest and he did not answer me. If I love and expect something in return it is not the love from God!

I must remember the purpose of my life is to love: Now I can love more; in a different way, but still more.  Clean the house, do the shopping, even cook for myself as it it all I can do! But above all I can offer each day as an act of love for specific things, like the gathering in Rome and four people who are sick.

Jesus, thank you for being there! Thank you for my life, to be able to love you every moment here with others. I do not really understand how lucky I am to be loved in this way!

He will join in

The gospel today speaks of Jesus sending out the 12 apostles. It really made me think, because they were all frail, incomplete in a certain sense, having run away from him, having even disowned him, and yet Jesus sent them out! Why? I think because he saw the most important aspect in them despite the frailties: Love. The central message in the gospels is mutual love and only though mutual love will I understand the rest. Looking at the gospels with the eyes of God, who is love I understand how that love is expressed in so many different ways. 

So, being ill and more dependent on my neighbour I need to love by allowing them to love! As Chiara puts it: when the hour comes we need the love of our brothers and sisters. Let's not feel humiliated, because love will always preserve our dignity the way God see it, not us. I can love if I am attentive to God speaking in me and through others. There is no excuse. I may not be able to run a marathon out of love, but I may be able to listen or to lay the table. Love is not what I do, but how I do it. So I can always love. Today I am not feeling very well and I can offer that for the meeting in Rome and for our little town in WGC. 

I was struck by the fact that it is this love, like the love Jesus had for us on the cross, that distinguishes us from the rest of the world. I am ready to love to the extent of giving my life! In fact I have given my life to God over 30 years ago! Then, anything less becomes possible with God's help. He is with me because he is love and it is him who transforms things not me. I am just his hands or feet or brain (what's left of it!!)

What a gift we have! If we love one anther with that love He will be amongst us, and the world will be renewed. His love is very tangible. I had a letter from Emmaus today saying go ahead on your certain path because your best friend is always with you and will not fail in his presence in the most difficult moments. What a gift! We will never be alone, even though it might seem so at times. Let continue to play together and he will join in! 

Jesus thank you for being there

Today at mass I understood again in a very powerful way the sense of my illness. It is such a privilege to have at least an inkling as what it is all about! I have seen that God's love always wants the best for us. Apparently how can such illness be the best for me? Because it has focussed me on Him, it has allowed me to be immersed in God. If my home is heaven, that must be the best thing that has happened to me, because it is God's love for me! with time I understand that all the things I get involved in during my day, shopping, transcribing a tape, doing some work on the computer, writing the blog, speaking to people on the phone, all those things God gives me every day in order to have a chance to express my love for him in the person next to me. How? By making sure that He is always the most important thing. 

The little things during the day make God's love visible. If you have ever been to a night club, you will know you get an invisible stamp on the back of your hand as evidence that you have paid. When you shine an UV light on your hand the stamp becomes visible. I think it is the same with the love of God. If we are immersed in God moment by moment, the things that come our way each day are the UV light that make that love visible. If I only concentrate on the UV light I don't see what it illuminates, If I only look at the things to do, I forget God and I loose sight of my neighbour. 

What if I mess up, forget, etc? Nothing, God tells us that we just need to start again. If I love despite my limitations, my physical and psychological inabilities I am like Jesus on the Cross. He carried on loving his mother, his best mate when he was at the height of suffering! Is is easy? No. Can I make it? Only with God's help, which, in my experience, is made visible, if we love one another so that he can be present amongst us! The pain is halved and the joy doubled! 

How can I love in my situation? I thought of this a lot today and I conclude that there are three things:

1. Stay immersed in God. For me that means perhaps watch less tv, which does not help me being immersed in God. Perhaps I can read more, which is not my strong point. Also instead of waking up and first looking at how I am, perhaps checking how the others are is being immersed in God in my neighbour. 
2. Communicate what God gives me to understand and to live as an act of love, disinterested in any echoes or responses and be always aware it is a gift, it is love made visible. I am just the vehicle for us to go to God together, as someone else is the vehicle in organising, speaking, preaching, listening. The instrument is never more important than the person who holds it, God. 
3. To remind myself of the purpose of everything: To show God's love for us altogether but also for each one of us. He loves us individually, personally very much. We just need to discover it! My response is to offer each day for something as at git of love and thus give purpose to every moment. Today is for the meeting of the delegates of the movement in Rome and for Callan's licencing!

Jesus thank you, thanks for being there no matter what, thanks for my life, for being able to love you today in each present moment together with others. I can't grasp really how lucky, loved and fortunate I am!!!

Real way of loving

Today I am reflecting on the simple nature of our life! I only have to live with God, immersed in him all day long. Someone might say that is practically impossible and what about having to get on with things, living my life made up of meetings, things to do, no time for anything else. 

I have reflected on that in the last few days and come to the conclusion that there is no contradiction. Jesus does not want me to sit on my back side doing nothing, but he wants me to go and do the right thing in the right moment with the right attitude! Sounds complicated but is really simple: 

When I got up I thanked God for a good night, for being able to get up, and do things, for helping others, for being there for others. Then I had breakfast and took my pills when I suddenly felt a bit ill, couldn't concentrate, dizzy and was generally getting grumpy. Someone came to pick me up to go to mass. I forgot but remembered to thank God for thinking about it. Before I had read an e-mail from a friend giving me his experience in response to sharing mine with him. It is such a gift considering that at work we never talked about personal stuff in that detail. Most of the points he made rang so true and some were a clarification of what I had probably poorly expressed. It reminded me of God speaking not just through people who believe but more so sometimes through people who apparently don't. 

Looking at a morning like that I cannot help but feeling that love is very real, God with me is very real. I receive a call from a friend asking my opinion on something. I remembered that is Jesus asking me. How would I answer Jesus? As I give without expecting a return, without wanting anything I receive, perhaps not from where I expect it, but again I can't help but see so much of God's love around me. I just need to discover it!I really can use anything I do as means to love, to allow his love to be there. In the end I discover a real peace and joy! Why? Because I have loved Jesus in my neighbour, because God is with me and no matter how generous I am he cannot be outdone in generosity. 

Jesus today I offer my dizziness, my grumpiness and my general not feeling great for the meting of the delegates in Rome, because we are all living together with you in our midst. I cannot repeat this enough because everywhere else I hear the opposite all the time. God's love is as real, if not more so than anything else. So, whenever I love God is here, and my neighbour meet him! Mind boggling, really

You always in our midst

Today I was struck by the way God works though us with out us actually being aware sometimes! It shows me how much I am in his hands. He does everything and I need to be open to Him in every moment. I am more than ever convinced about the immersion in God!

Even being at home all day yesterday I noticed that the world comes in through various ways, and I find myself adopting attitudes which are not really love for my neighbour. Going to mass this morning I  felt that I was in need of nothing! I am privileged enough to have God with me, what more do I need? Not just me and God, but Jesus in our midst with Paul & Mary, Noreen, Joelle, Louise and Pat! It doesn't take much either, other than being there for the other, offering my life for them. 

One of the readings today talks about jealousy and greed and envy in the early community, and I was struck by the fact that also in our community these things can happen, if we are not immersed in God! I can be immersed in God if I am open to my brother or sister in the present moment! Then I meditated on something Chiara said in 1958! 

Then where can I find you, where can I look for you on earth? Where can I imbue my soul, where can I imbue all my being? Where can I find you? I don’t know the measure of God, because it’s not possible to measure God, but supposing that we could use human measures… if it were possible to find tons of God, where could I find him?”

There are lots of places where I can find God:

1. In the Eucharist, which for me is such a wonderful thing! There he is amongst his creation!
2. In my brother and sister! If only I would always love the way Jesus loves me I would never be without him. Each one of us is created as a gift. God has given us talents as his expression of love for us and put people different from me next to me as expression of his love for me! And I pick holes into his gifts!! He is ok but... She talks too much but...Instead of they are completing with their talents what I do not have! Thanks for your gifts!  His love for each one of us makes us one and instead of looking enviously at the talents of the other we rejoice that the talent in the other is actually there to complete our life! It's my neighbour who keeps me on the straight and narrow, because I cannot go to God alone. 
3. In our midst, God among his people, and we would listen to the Holy Spirit, because we don't really want anything else! Isn't it great to know that if I love by living my life in donation to others, if I keep nothing for myself, if I love going beyond my health, my limits, my not being up to it, my being similar to Jesus on the Cross, He is actually beside me, in our midst! What a great gift! Is there anything else I need or want?
4. In the word, scripture! I could reflect on the same text every day and I would discover something else all the time. I know that God speak to me through the scripture, but am I always open to hear? 

There are other ways to be with God, but just looking at these four, I realise that God is all around me. My best friend is always with me! I am never alone, if I don't want to be. 

Jesus, I than you for this tumour more than you can imagine! Without it I would probably never understood and lived the things I do now. I want to carry on playing to show you, Love, to a world which is looking for just that and does not know it has Love living in its midst! Today I offer everything so that you remain always in our midst. 

So much love

This morning at mass I could not but be grateful to God for all the gifts I am receiving every day:

1. Firstly, what a beautiful world we are living in, a wonder of creation. There are so many things we take for granted!
2. Secondly, the church despite our limitations and our mistakes it has survived 2000 years! A testimony that it is not a human construction. 
3. Thirdly, the Focolare Movement, my spiritual home, which has made me understand God loves me immensely! There is nothing I need, because he is looking after me.
4. My Focolare, the best in the world, because we have Jesus amongst us. We have the enormous gift of God, who is love, living amongst us! 
5. My life full of gifts from God through others and through the things God is allowing me to live. His love for me is crying out for an answer. I can't but love my neighbour. 

So, what would I have to complain about if I have received so much love! 

Stay immersed in Him

Today's readings are very beautiful and strong! I could not help but think that St Paul could have been talking at the meeting of the delegates and the whole of the movement!!

Bear with one another charitably, in complete selflessness, gentleness and patience. Do all you can to preserve the unity of the Spirit by the peace that binds you together. There is one Body, one Spirit, just as you were all called into one and the same hope when you were called.

In other words put God always first. It makes me think that it is a constant battle for us to have God in the first place no matter what our actual vocation is. "Do all" is that not the same as Emmaus saying God above all? Is it not because of this that there is such an atmosphere of joy and peace in Rome? 

The second bit that struck me was the descriptions of all the various gift God has given us! I notice that the minute I start comparing them with each other I unwittingly establish a hierarchy of values. Not so in God. God does attach more value to preaching or organising or reflecting! In a sense he cannot do without us. It is when we forget that our abilities are not really ours, if we misappropriate them, and start thinking they are more important than God himself, thinking that we have a right to be listened to, because we are the experts, etc that he cannot work through us. I am struck by the fact that each gift can easily become a cross when there is no love. 

The gospel of today is the crown, because it shows God's love for each one of us!! I can be the biggest sinner, make the most mistakes and have given up on myself, thrown in the towel, and yet Jesus hasn't!! He asks me to follow him. God loves me immensely to the extent that he wants me to be with him, as I am "imperfect by human standards"! So, here I am, unable to do much by way of activity, but giving my life for him in my neighbour in the present moment!!He gives me himself, in my neighbour, amongst us I can live with him all day long, if I stay immersed in Him! 

A powerful source of life

Today I was struggling a bit with the concept of doing and being. Three examples made me think about this. The first was a moment in which I had a number of things to do. I had them in my mind and therefore did not want to miss the people after mass. In the process I was not really in the present moment and only greeted some people very fleetingly. In the event the people I was after were engaged in other conversations and then left. The second was in church when the priest at the end of mass said he had to rush away to something else and would not have time to greet people. I noticed that the same priest is always on the move, like a whirlwind! He "does" a lot, and I suspect a lot of very good things! I wondered what is first the ministry or the choice of God? The third example is to do with my involvement with the organisation of a Youth Festival. I noticed how difficult it is to loose, loose my idea, my proposal, my inspiration, in order that God, the Holy Spirit can really be at work! I also noticed that due to my limited health I am no longer able to be involved due to the choice in venue and the lack of lifts. We all want the same good and noble thing, ie that the festival is a real moment of God and yet, it seems to me that we do not let him in to actually guide the festival. It is always us in one form or another, because we don't know how to loose! Loose everything in order that Jesus can be amongst us!

If I am immersed in God, with God at the top of my priority list, does that mean I do nothing? How does my day to day life which is made up of things fit around this. Then sharing these thoughts we found the answers together. If I trust God in the little he will do the big things for me too. So, be love for the person next to me in the present moment means for me to stay there with them, 100% as if they were the only people I need to love. After all I meet Jesus in them! He is my all and I trust he will take care of the things I needed to do, which were after all for him. Regards the priest I can offer the suffering of not being able to speak to him ever for more than a minute. Loving him means not to want to change him, not to want him to become like me, because he is not me! DIM? God will give me an opportunity to meet with him when it is the right moment.

Equally Jesus gave me to understand that it is not I who is the main protagonist, but Jesus! The only thing I have to do is love the others not because I want to change the way it should be done, but because they all are his gift for me. So, if the meeting venue is not suitable for me, or the programme already made up and decisions made by one person, should all this be in the way of the relationship between me and my neighbour. DIM? No, because in that suffering I can love like Jesus did on the cross and he remains the most important thing in my life.

The fact that I may have understood what it means to be constantly immersed in God does not mean I have to foist my understanding on my neighbour! DIM? God loves me and everybody immensely and part of that love is the freedom he gives us. Equally, if I really love my neighbour I have to leave him/her completely free.

The only thing that matters is God in the first place, above all else, God in my neighbour so that he can be amongst us. What a powerful source of life!  

With you every moment of my life

The other day I had a bit of a scare when I had a small seizure. It immediately brought me back to the present moment lived with God! As it turned out the following morning it appears to be quite normal with this condition and the new medication. However you can not help thinking of the tumour advancing with nothing that can be done. During the night I went through the phase of really not liking the condition I am in. I really don't want to get worse and die, I don't want to be in this position when I loose everything and just be in the house! I think this is very real and I suspect I would not be human if I did not feel like this at times. 

However, there is a different take and dimension to all this. I read a meditation by Chiara "Prepare for the hour" in which she describes watching Giosi die. It was horrible in one sense, but so was Jesus dying on the cross! I remembered what I read somewhere yesterday: Love conquers all! All means all! I returned to three important aspects of my life:

• To love always and be outside myself in the present moment. I need to be in the present looking outwards all the time. I will never be at a loss for occasions to love! And the only thing I truly have to love is the present. 
• In order to love always I need to be immersed in God There are so many negatives around me and in me, that the more I am in God speaking with him, thinking first and foremost to do things for him, entrusting things to him, people, joys, sufferings, etc the more I will see the gifts he leaves for me. The challenge then is amongst all the things to do etc, He comes first. Not easy but he will help me in the present. 
• I cannot live my journey on my own if I want to live a collective spirituality of unity. Together we will have Jesus present amongst us if we love one another as he has loved us, as he loves us. Jesus always leaves me free to love him, even when I get it wrong. I need to do the same, not tell others what is right or wrong but simply offering what gift God has given me for that moment! Jesus taught me to love in that way when he died for me on the cross. 

Jesus, allow me to be around a bit longer so that I can live more fully with others immersed in your reality, your life and to bring your love. In the mean time I offer you my life as I did 30 years ago for you to do with as you think best. I am truly blest to be able to live with you present every moment of my life. 

My offerings of love for him

I was reflecting on something I read from the update of the meeting of the delegates in Rome, when Emmaus refers to being immersed in God. I realised that it is very easy to be taken by the day to day small or sometimes big things in my life without maintaining this perspective in God. And often on my own that is very difficult to do, but living together with the same aim, to have Jesus present in our midst it becomes a little easier. So, I get up thanking God for the night, for being alive and still able to love him in my neighbour! I ask him to be the most important person in my life in every moment. Then, to the next present moment. To love means to empty the dishwasher, quietly so as not to wake up the others out of love fro Him in them! Then a moment of reflection not because I always do it, but because I want to start my day with Him for Him. I thank him for my mother and my sister and ask him to keep them safe! So, the conversation continues! 

I realise then how important it is to be immersed in God! There are too many things, also very good and holy things, that come between me and Him. I have understood something important sharing my experience with others: My relationship with God is purely his gift, but it is not the morning and evening prayers, going to church, doing "holy things". All those are ways of supporting that relationship. It's a bit like friendship. Friends become friends because they are open to each other and spend time with each other. There are no "procedures" and through any "procedures" I can't make friends. 

To me it's the same with God. The more time I spent with him the stronger the relationship becomes. For that I can find him everywhere, if I look! But most importantly I can find him in the person next to me in the present moment. How mind blowing is this: A God who loves me!! I am the most fortunate person in the world. I offer him all, the pain of my mother and sister leaving today, the pain of the illness, the joys of his presence, the gift of my brothers and sisters, the marvels of life! They are my offerings of love for him. 

A marvellous life

Today is a special day: The Exaltation of the Holy Cross made me think of the way we look at sanctity, which seems a little bit of a distant concept for me probably because I don't understand it well. However, I have been been struck by the fact that we are going towards sanctity together, by loving one another. At the base of it all is the love of each one for Jesus on the Cross. It is not easy to always have the choice of God present in my life when I can get caught up so quickly in the things of the day, but it is actually the only way to allow him to do his part and for me to be what he wants me to be. DIM (Does it matter) takes on a more profound meaning, in that I know that God comes before anything else. Anything then becomes a means, a vehicle to love more, almost an excuse to establish a relationship of mutual love with my neighbour in the present moment in order that Jesus can be amongst us. I have to give, to donate my idea, my way of doing things, of looking at things, because I think God wants us to do things together. 

But to do this I have to love first of all Jesus on the Cross, I have to love God above all else! It also allows me to really love, ie not to expect anything from the other, not to want things done my way because I know best, not to be attached not even to sharing my experience, but to make sure God in all comes first! Can I do this? Probably not, but the great ting about God's love is that he even helps me with this! Not only that, but I can always start again, no matter what, because his love has really no end, no memory, no expectations and leaves me completely free in each moment. 

This morning talking to someone after mass I was so struck how this love extends in our family of the movement far beyond the rules of this or that. I was struck how before anything else we try to love one another in every moment. That brings a great peace and joy knowing that everything is really in God's hands.

So, united in the present moment, loving one another and marvelling at the gifts God has put next to us in our neighbour makes our journey towards him so much more pleasant! I thank God for this time, this tumour, because of what opportunity he has given me to be closer to him, not in prayer perhaps, but in our midst! He is present because of the biggest gift Chiara has left us: She has opened our eyes, our understanding to the presence of Jesus Forsaken in each moment! The cross is always there, but with it there is always the resurrection. Each moment. What a marvellous life!

The shepherd and the yuppie

Bruno from Germany sent me this little story. It made me laugh!

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new Cherokee Jeep advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out of the window and asked the shepherd,... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Think Pad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 28 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says,”You have exactly 452 sheep." "That is correct; take one of the sheep," said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

"OK, why not," answered the young man.

"Clearly, you're a consultant," said the shepherd.

"That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business... Now give me back my dog."

No barriers

It is so true that if I start going a bit beyond my own troubles the smiling become a little easier all the time. I guess it's because I don't focus on myself and my pain, but more importantly I can love Jesus in the present through these moments! It is my way to play together!

These days I am amazed how a small thing like a smile or a hug or anything positive can be so encouraging! Us humans are made to live together! Whilst there seems we do so much harm to each other, I think it is because we are surrounded by so much negativity! Together we can discover and enjoy the gifts we are for each other, we can play together enjoying the present moment despite the pain and suffering! I feel a bit more rotten today, but I am up for playing, because it makes me happy.

Then, God takes care of the rest. It is simply wonderful to see how he loves us. Today I had three very valuable skype calls! One from Germany which taught me how easy it is to play together! It does not take much! Its takes me loving Jesus on the Cross in the smallest thing so that nothing stands between me and the other! Then a call from a dear friend (Bruno) from Australia! What a gift! Nothing complicated, simply an act of love which made sure that Jesus was more alive in us and amongst us. Finally a call from Frank which again was a moment to be together, forgetting everything else. Being in the present! All of those present of the day I offer for the meeting in Rome! We play across the world! There are no barriers!

Is it more important than God

Naked I came from my mother’s womb, naked I shall return. The Lord gave, the Lord has taken back. Blessed be the name of the Lord! If we take happiness from God’s hand, must we not take sorrow too?

This is from my favourite person in the Old Testament, Job! It is just so true! I can't but go back over what I have live in these few months. Everything dear to me has gone and is still going! I can't move as much as I used to, I can't drive. Those who know me a bit know I loved driving! I can't work, those who know me at work also know how much I enjoyed the job, perhaps a little too much! I like to be active doing things, but now a trip to the shops tires me out! Despite all the progress I have made so far there is a definite time limit due to the nature of the illness. Any progress is not really in my control anyway! 

All of these things sound and look rather depressing, but there is another way of looking at this, which you may find unusual and strange. In order to have more time to love my neighbour in a visible way, God wanted me more at home, instead of driving around the place. Just to ensure that I don't replace work with God, he has given me more time to build my relationship with him both on my own and through my neighbour in the present moment! My limits in my activity are perhaps a gift for being more with others and really an understanding that all is a gift from God, not just the good things. 

But whatever I have in the present moment is his love for me, I just need to discover it! Here is where the game together starts, because only together can God's gifts for us in the present moment come alive! What greater gift can there be than a God that loves me!

I often wonder whether I get caught up in many things because I don't really entrust myself to him in those moments when it really counts, ie in the middle of a discussion that is about to get personal, that is going to upset me and allow me to judge the other, rather than seeing the gift he/she is bringing perhaps not in an obvious way! How many times do I still say "THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT" Is it more important then God, my love for him in my neighbour? That's when DIM (does it matter?) comes in very strongly for me! I think John & Maria had a true inspiration! I note again they had it together! Perhaps I see things too much from an extreme position! 

Together

There is nothing that always happens in the same way! This cycle of chemo is very different from the others. My body has suffered much this time. Yesterday I was not even able to write something on FB simply because I could not focus and concentrate. Makes you think how lucky I have been so far. Also makes you see what you can expect. Whilst it is a temptation to worry about the future, it is also true that it is profoundly human!

But that does not stop me from staying in the present and the most important thing for me was not to close myself, because then I will feel sorry for myself, feel alone with many negative thoughts!!!

Instead I went to Mari Ponticaccia's birthday party! It was great for the smiles but also to continue to play together!! They had strawberries as well!! When you play together you smile! What more do we want!!

Actually that is just the tip of the iceberg. What we want really is the presence of Jesus amongst us, which we can only have if we really love one another, going beyond the little niggles, beyond the limitations, the feelings of inadequacies. The less I can do the more I  remind myself of much God loves me! Jesus on the cross was capable of nothing apart from crying out: My God, my God why have you forsaken me!" He was not even loved by anybody except his mum. I want to love him in all the little pains and suffering in the present moment. Then a lot of things become very secondary:Can I eat,did I sleep, what is going to happen next? They don't go away, but first there is God, first there my greatest love. So I am back to DIM (Does it Matter)! Together we found the strength for me to go to the party! 

There is a reason for it all

I found this song by Alison Krauss, which rings a lot of bells which me, because I think it is profoundly true. How lucky I am to be able to go on this road together with others!!  http://youtu.be/FMO8giNalX8

I've seen hard times and I've been told
There isn't any wonder that I fall
Why do we suffer, crossing off the years
There must be a reason for it all

I've trusted in You, Jesus, to save me from my sin
Heaven is the place I call my home
But I keep on getting caught up in this world I'm living in
And Your voice it sometimes fades before I know

Hurtin' brings my heart to You, crying with my need
Depending on Your love to carry me
The love that shed His blood for all the world to see
This must be the reason for it all

Hurtin' brings my heart to You, a fortress in the storm
When what I wrap my heart around is gone
I give my heart so easily to the ruler of this world
When the one who loves me most will give me all

In all the things that cause me pain You give me eyes to see
I do believe but help my unbelief
I've seen hard times and I've been told
There is a reason for it all

Help me to love my neighbour

Yesterday was quite a challenge and so is today all truth be said! First of all there is the physical side. I am on the last day of chemo having taken the tablets last night. It has been by far the worst in terms of nausea, loss of appetite and sleep etc. My tummy seems to have become far more delicate for some reason. I also lack concentration jumping from one thing to another. 

All that forms part of living with Jesus on the Cross. It is quite real, more real than you might think! if I do not go out side of myself and try to love I will go under, I am looking at myself, feel sorry for myself, view everything in a very negative way! My brother and sister allow me the opportunity to go beyond these things and love them, but most of all to love God, putting him first. So, I don't get grumpy when someone asks me how I am! No, it's an opportunity to share. Somebody already said: But that's not easy. Too right! Nobody ever promised it to be easy, but it is the only way to live having God always in the first place. Jesus on the cross did not find it easy, I think, but the gifts he received from the Father in return for his love were immense!

This morning another contemplation of what the love of God for me is: We are all created and loved individually, immensely by God, a God who is love by nature! He cannot be anything else. It became clear to me again this morning how that love expresses itself through my neighbour! I was talking about lots f things that we needed to decide and all seemed important. I was pointing out how I would do things and how it would all be much better for all sorts of reasons. Then I stopped and simply asked myself the question: Do I want to do all these things, or do I want God to do them? Am I in charge of my life or is he? I appreciated how the other person, created and loved my Him the same way as me through their uniqueness were loving me. I need to make my contribution of how I would organise an event, how I would manage a task, e what colour I would paint the room in etc., because God has given me the chance to love my neighbour through that contribution. Then, I let go of it, I "donate it"! God remains the most important thing in my life, my relationship with my neighbour is not dominated by my or her's or his view, but by what we have seen God wants!

I noticed yet again as so many times before, if I am careful that whatever "item" has to be decided upon does not come between me and the other, I have gained much freedom to love.  We are all at peace, we all know that it is not me or somebody else, but it is truly him who guides things. Then whatever anybody says or does becomes a gift from God! Even my failures become part of that love.

It sounds so simple but is at times so difficult especially when you are in the midst of a "discussion". Jesus, help me to always love you in my neighbour in the present moment, especially when I get carried away with my own strong views letting them get in the way of loving in the present moment. 

His presence in my day

This morning I meditated on a theme Chiara gave ​​in June '58 entitled "God." She explains where I find God listing all the various ways he is present. It is amazing how present God is in my day! 

1. He is present in my conscience. I wake up and first of all begin to talk to him in my morning prayer, to re-establish my relationship with him. I meetthank him for the sleepless night, the general malaise and offering all this for our council meeting tomorrow. I thank  him for my life, for the sun, for the health I have, but also tell him how much I love him, "because you are forsaken Jesus ..!" It is my reason to be here. Not a formula, but a real conversation. 
2. I find you in my brother or sister. I go downstairs for breakfast and meet Callan. I share how I tried to live the night as a gift for Jesus. This sharing is not a routine, but it is real, perhaps a bit of an effort, a bit of hard work, because I have not had my coffee yet and am not fully awake, but also because I haven't slept and could be naturally grumpy. But I always find Jesus in the other. 
3. He is in our midst. Always being open and loving everyone without interest, I can live in the light of Jesus in our midst! I am at peace and despite my physical condition there is  always joy and peace. 
4. He is in scripture. When I reflect on some writing it does not take long before something strikes me. Today I was struck by this conversation of Chiara's, but also by a beautiful moment of reflection with Callan yesterday on how to prevent our life becoming a routine full of formulas that we may change from time to time. Do I take the various presence of Jesus, of God in my life for granted? Then as a result do I lose the opportunity to live really well my choice of God above everything, even of my being sick? Then there is the sharing of what God has made me understand. Do I give it away without expecting anything in return? Do I keep it to myself instead of using the communion as means to build relationships and have Jesus present amongst us?
5. Jesus. you are in the Eucharist. I'm so used to going to receive Jesus, mass sometimes becomes a little burdensome: I have to go to Mass! The shorter, the better because we can get on with our lives. A side effect of surgery and medicine is that I can not talk very quickly. I have to say the words one by one. What a gift! I have time to reflect on the prayers in the morning and evening, at mass! Jesus, I want to be with you, you're my everything! How come I am always in a hurry when you're the one who does everything, who guides everything including the movement, your movement? I reflect on the fact that for example, if Emmaus came here now, everybody including me would drop everything to be with her if not for her at least for her role. Why then do I talk to Jesus, who is much closer to me,  much more important in my life, in a hurry, when I can fit him in? Jesus I'm sorry for all the times I've put other things above you!
6. In the ecclesiastical hierarchy. Maybe for me this presence less frequent, but I can always be prepared as last Sunday when I met the auxiliary bishop. I am prepared to respond to Jesus when he asks me how I am, what do I do?

In short, a beautiful meditation and conversion! Jesus, you're still a genius! You give me many opportunities to live with you during the day. Your presence has an effect on my life in the present. 

There is nothing routine, because Jesus leads me to be outside of myself to live and love each person in the present moment, as he did even on the cross! So living in this way even in the most darkest moments I am never alone, because there is always a brother or sister to love and then there is always Jesus present! What a paradise! How can I not be happy, even when physically I am struggling today because of drugs!

Jesus you are a champion

Before leaving Rome I was deeply struck by a phrase of St. John: "He (Jesus) gave His life for us; so we too must give our life for our brothers and sisters" (1Jn 3:16).

I was struck by these words not only because one might expect a different conclusion, like: "If He died for us, then we too must die for Him" (and not for "our brothers and sisters" - as it is written), but also because this invitation to love to the point of dying for our brothers and sisters appeared to me to be something strong, precisely because of this measure of giving one's life.

Jesus gave his life for me, out of love for me, without looking if I deserve such a great gift! For him it is natural to love giving his life without looking! Not only that, but for him, God it is natural to give his life for me, a creature! I begin to understand the immensity of his love for me! How can I begin to respond such great a love! Of course it is impossible to be more generous than God's love! But his generosity does not end there. 

We give our lives for our brothers and sisters as a response to God's love for us. By doing so he still gives us his presence among us, and  gets us go together to him. I live in a focolare, the invention of God, with the Trinity! I, a creature with God, one and three, because he is crazy in love with me! This in itself is mind boggling. I cannot begin to understand such a gift!

On the one hand how can I live with a love that almost crushes me! On the other hand how can I not be happy knowing that every day of my life I am loved! 

So, another sleepless night, another day of general malaise, another day of fatigue and limited strength, what are they in comparison to the love of God for me? Another day of having to decide "important things", wanting to make it clear to the others that I have a different vision of things and that my perspective is the best and most logic!, Another day where slowly things  I deal with rise above my choice of God and come between me and my brother or sister! Moments in which I feel sorry for myself because I have a brain tumour and will die. In those moments I don't live the present and I don't love my neighbour. More importantly: What are all these things big or small in comparison to God's love for me?

Do I really live the Gospel in the radical manner I used, putting God above all things, not only in words. Or do I put God first, hoping that by doing so he heals me, he takes away my tumour? How many times have I put God first for my own interest, so that he make the other come round to my way of thinking or doing. Perhaps I love the other because I want him or her to understand that my way of doing things is the best!

Instead, our way is not individual. We go to God together, I lost everything, my life given to God, not only spiritually, but concretely given to God in my brother or sister in the present in the smallest things! My love for my neighbour makes me appreciate that we are a gift for one another as my friend who asked me how I was today. By telling her how I spent my night I had to laugh at myself! In our being different we enrich each other. 

Then Jesus comes to stay with me, with us. There is peace and joy, and before doing anything we ask ourselves: DIM (Does it matter?) What seem to be important matters become an excuse for loving one another. Jesus, you are a champion! Thank you that I can give my life for you today, I thank you that I can be free to love you in the the greatest moment of pain today, thank you for your immense love! 

But if you don't love me, who will

The expression and perhaps even the concept of "doing the will of God" as we say has always appeared to be very tight, very limited. It gave me a picture of a God, director of a movie or a theatre piece, who always tells everyone what they must do. We also find an excuse not to do one thing or the other because it was not the will of God. It's my view of things but I think it is nonetheless valid although perhaps not right! I always found it difficult to see that I had a choice. Then reading an something Emmaus said, made me realize that "doing the will of God" is much more dynamic. I was reminded that God is always new, his love for me is never expressed in the same way! Maybe my mental categories are not flexible enough to accommodate this love! I find that loving my neighbour in the present moment, being open to what God puts in front of me,  I actually do what he wants: Loving him in my neighbour, choosing him above all. I see that this is only possible if I chose Jesus Forsaken as my all and I go with the other to God who loves us immensely!

So today the phrase "But if you don't love me, who will?" is very strong for me! After a sleepless night I got up feeling worse than ever during this period. So far, my condition has not brought me physical pain,  thank God! But now the discomfort is very strong. The great temptation is to think immediately about myself: I have to stay in bed, I can not do anything, poor me, I call the doctor asking to give me something, etc, etc.. But no! Just share your state of health with the others without expecting anything and offer everything for the next meeting of the Council! In this offer there is also the pain of my physical limitation: I can no longer do what I used to. However, I am at peace because God certainly does not love me less for the possibility of reduced activity!

Therefore I carry on loving the person on the phone, being 100% in the present! Do some work aournd the house according to my ability, rest well, but above all always be open to what God puts in front of me. I am grateful to God that I am so well, that I can even fly now! That I can love him in every neighbor in the present moment, but most of all that I can go on my holy journey together with others to make a contribution. I can say even amid the suffering: Jesus let us make three tents, it is wonderful to be with you!

Does it matter

I was reflecting  on the concept of sanctity today reading a talk on the subject given by Chiara in 1981 in London. Here she understood that we must become Saints together. I must admit the idea of becoming a Saint has always puzzled me. Not really sure how to go about this until I reflected on what Chiara said. It's not something I must do, its something God does in response to my love for him and my neighbour. As Emmaus says, first of all, above all else I have to chose God, to chose to love him in my neighbour in the present moment. So, when I get up, above all I live and do things for my greatest love in life: Jesus on the Cross, my only good. In him I have chosen God every moment of the day. So, this morning I got up not feeling great having had little sleep, with no or little appetite, my stomach not working properly, in danger of feeling sorry for myself, not really wanting to go to hospital, certainly not wanting to start another round of chemo! But all of these things I can actively offer to my greatest love in life wrapped as presents thanking him for being alive, for the sun shine, for his presence amongst us, for his special love today. 

The second thing that gave me great joy was Chiara's realisation that we have to live in communion. Emmaus confirmed the same for me in the early days of this particular part of my holy journey. Facebook, blogs, communion of my reflections are not some "mechanism" or "procedure". I realise that I cannot keep for myself what God has given me as a gift. These are his expression of his love for me, which I have to share to be free to love him. Is it not a miracle to see how amidst what seems so negative, He will always find a purpose, an excuse to be amongst us! With him in our midst how can I complain? How can I be unhappy if he is with me? DIM comes to mind again! Many things I have to ask myself: DIM (Does it Matter)?

Everything is possible

When I came to you, brothers, it was not with any show of oratory or philosophy, but simply to tell you what God had guaranteed. During my stay with you, the only knowledge I claimed to have was about Jesus, and only about him as the crucified Christ. Far from relying on any power of my own, I came among you in great ‘fear and trembling’ and in my speeches and the sermons that I gave, there were none of the arguments that belong to philosophy; only a demonstration of the power of the Spirit. And I did this so that your faith should not depend on human philosophy but on the power of God.

I was struck by the first reading of the Mass today! I have not arrived at this point in my life with all the graces and all the gifts because of my merit, my skills or because I was  capable and good. No, I am here in this situation mainly because we listened to the Holy Spirit, together! The game continues in the present dell'amarsi! Jesus how can I be sad if you're with me in this way!

I came among you in great ‘fear and trembling’. So, you can do with me what matters in this moment. Jesus, I'm learning more and more to really love my limitations and the limitations of others! With the love that supports all, is patient and hopes beyond everything. I do not care about nothing but to love, to play with my neighbour in the  present moment!

Everything becomes an excuse to love more. Everything practical becomes important as an expression of mutual love and so the presence of God among us increases. For example, the fact that the breakdown of the connection to the internet is not only a pain, but it is also an opportunity to communicate with one another for a moment! It is sometimes difficult to see things in this light when they happen! But because of my love to Jesus Forsaken everything is possible.

Let's play together

I noticed that I am finding it difficult at time to concentrate, to live fully the present moment. This is partly due to the medication I am taking, and one remedy is to do things slower! So, I need to slow down! This is really good, because it makes me live more fully the present moment.  Today I came across a meditation by Chiara entitled: "For Our Hour" (29/11/01) It is simply marvellous. She was thinking of how best to prepare for that hour of her going to meet Jesus and mentioned the way Luminosa did live her illness, fully in the present!

I remembered Luminosa, our extraordinary focolarina from Argentina. When she was very seriously ill and realised that she was nearing the end of her life, she took as a norm to live by: “Keep on playing”. She did this so as to imitate a saint who had been asked, while he was playing, what he would do if he learned that he was soon to die, and had replied: “I would keep on playing.” (...)

So Luminosa hadn’t thought about afterwards. She hadn’t meditated on what would come afterwards in order to prepare herself for her HOUR. She had lived the present moment with the greatest intensity.

I could identify with the keep on playing in the present moment. I thank God for giving me this enormous present of the moment! 

But in addition to Chiara's experience I dare to add something else: Chiara seems to look at the life of the present moment mostly from an individual aspect. How do I live for my hour? I noticed that, if I lived intensely in the present moment loving the person next to me in that moment we travel to together and my living for that hour becomes our living for that hour. 

It is such a great gift to stay in the present! Together we can help each other to stay in that present moment and together we also have Jesus with us! 

To stay with the play, it is not much fun to play a game on your own. I am ready then to carry on playing together. Let's always play together. 

Thank you, for being with me always.

Meditating on the Word of Life of this month Jesus gave me so much joy. I remembered yesterday, the brief conversation  with Callan, with our Argentine friends passing through! Not forgetting the friends enquiring whether I needed a lift to the church. Then there were the messages from our friends in Budapest! All this was the expression of God's  love in the present moment.

But most of all I was struck by the realisation from the conversation with Callan that in our family of the Opera it is really true that love comes before everything, not just theoretically but in practical things! It is out of love that we do something in one way rather than another. So rather than do things more logical, more just, more practical we do things as an expression of love to my neighbour in the present moment. This in itself already is revolutionary! And to us it comes natural. So I really do not care about the things themselves, but, I care whether it is love for the other.

As the WOL says, it's enough to love. It is in these moments that my choice of God above everything else has, just love. How others do it certainly for me, I do too, for them, not because they do it, but because it is what Jesus wants. I went to work and I think with many colleagues a different relationship was born; more beautiful; more essential. In the evening one of my staff called me to ask for advice. Seeing and concentrating on the positive, on the things that we might do well we were able to see a little 'light. After a busy day being tired I was able to continue to love, to be outside of myself.

This morning at mass I was struck by the idea that the biggest gift God has given me is ...me! He made me uniquely, as a gift to my neighbour in the present moment. He made me also with certain talents to be used for him. But most of all he made me to become fully me when I am in relationships of mutual love with others, when I have chosen him as my only good above all else, when I live with him Forsaken and in our midst. 

In the evening I realized again God comes first! Where is love then there is always pain, be detached even from the gifts of God.  Then Jesus, I always come back to living in the present moment with you my greatest love: you're hidden in the strangest places.

Thank you, for being with me always.