Yesterday was quite a challenge and so is today all truth be said! First of all there is the physical side. I am on the last day of chemo having taken the tablets last night. It has been by far the worst in terms of nausea, loss of appetite and sleep etc. My tummy seems to have become far more delicate for some reason. I also lack concentration jumping from one thing to another.
All that forms part of living with Jesus on the Cross. It is quite real, more real than you might think! if I do not go out side of myself and try to love I will go under, I am looking at myself, feel sorry for myself, view everything in a very negative way! My brother and sister allow me the opportunity to go beyond these things and love them, but most of all to love God, putting him first. So, I don't get grumpy when someone asks me how I am! No, it's an opportunity to share. Somebody already said: But that's not easy. Too right! Nobody ever promised it to be easy, but it is the only way to live having God always in the first place. Jesus on the cross did not find it easy, I think, but the gifts he received from the Father in return for his love were immense!
This morning another contemplation of what the love of God for me is: We are all created and loved individually, immensely by God, a God who is love by nature! He cannot be anything else. It became clear to me again this morning how that love expresses itself through my neighbour! I was talking about lots f things that we needed to decide and all seemed important. I was pointing out how I would do things and how it would all be much better for all sorts of reasons. Then I stopped and simply asked myself the question: Do I want to do all these things, or do I want God to do them? Am I in charge of my life or is he? I appreciated how the other person, created and loved my Him the same way as me through their uniqueness were loving me. I need to make my contribution of how I would organise an event, how I would manage a task, e what colour I would paint the room in etc., because God has given me the chance to love my neighbour through that contribution. Then, I let go of it, I "donate it"! God remains the most important thing in my life, my relationship with my neighbour is not dominated by my or her's or his view, but by what we have seen God wants!
I noticed yet again as so many times before, if I am careful that whatever "item" has to be decided upon does not come between me and the other, I have gained much freedom to love. We are all at peace, we all know that it is not me or somebody else, but it is truly him who guides things. Then whatever anybody says or does becomes a gift from God! Even my failures become part of that love.
It sounds so simple but is at times so difficult especially when you are in the midst of a "discussion". Jesus, help me to always love you in my neighbour in the present moment, especially when I get carried away with my own strong views letting them get in the way of loving in the present moment.
This morning another contemplation of what the love of God for me is: We are all created and loved individually, immensely by God, a God who is love by nature! He cannot be anything else. It became clear to me again this morning how that love expresses itself through my neighbour! I was talking about lots f things that we needed to decide and all seemed important. I was pointing out how I would do things and how it would all be much better for all sorts of reasons. Then I stopped and simply asked myself the question: Do I want to do all these things, or do I want God to do them? Am I in charge of my life or is he? I appreciated how the other person, created and loved my Him the same way as me through their uniqueness were loving me. I need to make my contribution of how I would organise an event, how I would manage a task, e what colour I would paint the room in etc., because God has given me the chance to love my neighbour through that contribution. Then, I let go of it, I "donate it"! God remains the most important thing in my life, my relationship with my neighbour is not dominated by my or her's or his view, but by what we have seen God wants!
I noticed yet again as so many times before, if I am careful that whatever "item" has to be decided upon does not come between me and the other, I have gained much freedom to love. We are all at peace, we all know that it is not me or somebody else, but it is truly him who guides things. Then whatever anybody says or does becomes a gift from God! Even my failures become part of that love.
It sounds so simple but is at times so difficult especially when you are in the midst of a "discussion". Jesus, help me to always love you in my neighbour in the present moment, especially when I get carried away with my own strong views letting them get in the way of loving in the present moment.
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