Darkness & Light

I'm living moments of deep darkness and dazzling light! It sounds like a contradiction, but it is not! Uli's and Vale's move to paradise have touched me deeply and yesterday I found it hard to stay in the present as I kept thinking how will it be for me when I have to go to meet Jesus! I even had to terminate a skype call with my sister so much was I outside the present moment! The stomach pains, insomnia due to medicines, a general malaise occupied me more than the love of my neighbour. God was not my one and only choice! It was like entering a tunnel without end! I cried, but they were tears of the old man, who was full of regrets of the past.  They were tears of fear for the future, tears of someone who trusts himself than God, tears of someone who  lives in the future and therefore is losing God's gift in the present! So, I have to start again! Reading some of Chiara's answers it becomes clear to me that the answer could have been written for me:

The Words of Jesus (and therefore all our Ideal) are the top as they are the base. In fact they are the words of Jesus the God-man, very human and very simple, divine and very profound at the same time, light for all. Love is a universal law, is the life of the Trinity and of any living thing however smalll, so there isn't only the ABC. There is also the Z (...) No, there is only one  beautiful, amiable, attractive, useful, luminous thing. It is what God wants from you in the present moment.

To get to there I found help from Chiara when she spoke at the Genfest 1980:

The fact is that he, who is God, did not consider this a privilege only for himself but wanted to share it with us, and for this he took upon himself our limitations, was persecuted, sentenced to death, he cried almost in despair, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me? "

This is our God, a God of Love who gave His life for us. (...)

Then I look at this God who loves me and so I decided to love him in his own way, risking everything.

I know, we are not going to make it a thousand times over, a thousand times we betray him, but we will not be defeated, because he has already won for us: we do not want to stay defeated ...

It strikes me that is not a solitary way to God, as I still keep thinking at times, but a communitarian way. While speaking with Uli's husband for more than two hours I forgot about myself, because I loved him in the present moment. Every time I answered the phone was an opportunity to choose to love God above all and then express that choice in my love of my neighbour in the present moment. So talking to Nino and Angela with this attitude God made me realize again the importance of sharing my gifts with others, so that we are really going to God together! There is light generated by the exclusive love for God at all times for our individual paths  For me it is always a challenge to give first place to God! There is always the temptation to be too busy and therefore there is no time. I see that for me this is a huge temptation which leaves God outside of my world!

Jesus, thank you for your love, for your love through my neighbour in the present moment. I love you above all else; more than myself. Help me to choose you above all things at all times!

Then I will come back to you full of gifts, to have another day to be able to love and to have you in our midst! The sun, the health that still allows me to do many things. So where is the darkness? It does not exist because there is you! Loving GA, not expecting anything in return has turned darkness into bright light!