Not because of me...

Reflecting on the importance of the present moment, I have realised just how powerful that idea is, not just for me in my situation but generally. I got two books by Anthony de Mello entitled "Awareness" and "The Way to Love", which pointed me to the present moment in a powerful way. I have the impression that the author concentrates a lot on what I should do to become more aware and open, working on bits and piece in me that are not. I found this rather tedious and depressing, but it also pointed very powerfully to the life of the present moment. 

I only have this moment in my life and I can chose to give it to God and let him act through circumstances and through other people shaping my life. My effort and, I ask his help for this every morning, it be free of the things I might be attached to because I think they are important, vital and cannot be left out, they are "must be done". I realise that I can be free of them if I truly choose God above everything else, yes everything. I must go to the hospital and can't speak to you now. Is the hospital more important than God in that moment? If I don't speak to you, rush to the station and find the train has been cancelled, does that not tell me something? Or we agree a plan of action on a particular topic, in that present moment it is the best possible option. Later other factors come into plan necessitating to review the plan. Am I totally free to welcome the new suggestion? 

I know that all this may sound sensible in theory, but I also know that I find this very difficult at times. I even find it difficult that someone can see the same thing in a totally different perspective!! So, I need to be free from my understanding of living the present moment! Impossible? Perhaps for me, but not for God. So, here enters DIM (does it matter). In order to be free, free to love, truly love without any agenda, interest, nothing Jesus will need to purify my intention through my neighbour. 

What's important? To love you is important! Not the colour of the carpet, not that fact that I think the other always gets his/her way, not that I always have to give in, no. I have loved and I am freed to understand what God wants in this present moment! 

Jesus Forsaken, your are my only good, and only because you are I can be free, free to love in the present moment! But even in the moments I don't manage, you manage for me, because your love for me never diminishes! You are there always and that is why it is possible to live the present moment, not because of me, but because of you!!!! Then the impossible thing happens: The life of the Trinity is amongst us, on this earth! There is nothing bigger than that!!

With Jesus what can go wrong!

Yesterday I had a surprise consultation, which should have been next week. For first time I saw my brain on the scan. I didn't realise it was so big!!! Anyway, the tumour is a tiny dot and again I realised how much this is God's gift when the consultant said that the fact the treatment is working is not to be taken for granted. In some cases it does not work. 

So far the plan of controlling the tumour works. It does not change the fact that it can come back any time! equally it seems that the trail drug us stimulating my immune system to fight the tumour cells. They have now agreed to extend the trial and bring the second stage forward. There are still a lot of questions and still research to be done, but again another gift from God. Throughout the afternoon God would look after me well by sending Mike L to be with me. What a gift. Despite me loosing the thread of the conversation at times, or getting tired because of the drugs etc, he was there always. It reminded me of God's love who is always there! Jesus a very precious gift. 

At times like this I am so much aware of the fact that I never got to this point because of my own merits! First of all, everything is a gift from God, it is his love for, as it was his love for me to receive this tumour. These occasions make me think of how important it is not to  mistake the gifts of God for God. Even above all this I still choose him as the love of my life. Jesus on the cross is the expression of that. And there was an immediate occasion. I was tired coming home and we had guests. An old friend whom I haven't seen for more than 30 years was there. I stayed with him simply to love despite the tiredness. Then a  long phone call with a friend. Concentrate on the present! Loose what I want to do. This morning I woke very tired. I got up although I could stay in bed all day! Secondly, because of my choice of Jesus on the Cross I can live this experience with others. I am so grateful for the gift of Maria and Stacey, because together we can live the present well. And when it goes pear shaped we start again. Important for me is that we can share the journey! With Jesus what can go wrong!

In the present moment this all is a great gift and there were lot's of smiles! Now more than ever it is important to stay in the present. I dedicate this progress to my friend Uli who died recently!

Jesus, thank you for all the gifts you give me in the present. Still I cannot get over the fact that you love us so much that you want to be with us!

Darkness & Light

I'm living moments of deep darkness and dazzling light! It sounds like a contradiction, but it is not! Uli's and Vale's move to paradise have touched me deeply and yesterday I found it hard to stay in the present as I kept thinking how will it be for me when I have to go to meet Jesus! I even had to terminate a skype call with my sister so much was I outside the present moment! The stomach pains, insomnia due to medicines, a general malaise occupied me more than the love of my neighbour. God was not my one and only choice! It was like entering a tunnel without end! I cried, but they were tears of the old man, who was full of regrets of the past.  They were tears of fear for the future, tears of someone who trusts himself than God, tears of someone who  lives in the future and therefore is losing God's gift in the present! So, I have to start again! Reading some of Chiara's answers it becomes clear to me that the answer could have been written for me:

The Words of Jesus (and therefore all our Ideal) are the top as they are the base. In fact they are the words of Jesus the God-man, very human and very simple, divine and very profound at the same time, light for all. Love is a universal law, is the life of the Trinity and of any living thing however smalll, so there isn't only the ABC. There is also the Z (...) No, there is only one  beautiful, amiable, attractive, useful, luminous thing. It is what God wants from you in the present moment.

To get to there I found help from Chiara when she spoke at the Genfest 1980:

The fact is that he, who is God, did not consider this a privilege only for himself but wanted to share it with us, and for this he took upon himself our limitations, was persecuted, sentenced to death, he cried almost in despair, "My God, my God why have you forsaken me? "

This is our God, a God of Love who gave His life for us. (...)

Then I look at this God who loves me and so I decided to love him in his own way, risking everything.

I know, we are not going to make it a thousand times over, a thousand times we betray him, but we will not be defeated, because he has already won for us: we do not want to stay defeated ...

It strikes me that is not a solitary way to God, as I still keep thinking at times, but a communitarian way. While speaking with Uli's husband for more than two hours I forgot about myself, because I loved him in the present moment. Every time I answered the phone was an opportunity to choose to love God above all and then express that choice in my love of my neighbour in the present moment. So talking to Nino and Angela with this attitude God made me realize again the importance of sharing my gifts with others, so that we are really going to God together! There is light generated by the exclusive love for God at all times for our individual paths  For me it is always a challenge to give first place to God! There is always the temptation to be too busy and therefore there is no time. I see that for me this is a huge temptation which leaves God outside of my world!

Jesus, thank you for your love, for your love through my neighbour in the present moment. I love you above all else; more than myself. Help me to choose you above all things at all times!

Then I will come back to you full of gifts, to have another day to be able to love and to have you in our midst! The sun, the health that still allows me to do many things. So where is the darkness? It does not exist because there is you! Loving GA, not expecting anything in return has turned darkness into bright light! 

Jesus present amongst us

I am always amazed at the way God loves us and we continue to miss it, or better I continue to miss it! Yesterday the friend I mentioned went to heaven. The loss affected me in more than one way and for the best part of the day I was struggling. It was too close to the bone. The temptation was to keep it to myself because I don't want to be a burden, because nobody will be interested, because its confidential, because...because...because. Very good and plausible reasons not to communicated, not to be in communion with the others. 

What happened? I am suddenly alone cut off by my own choice! Living the opposite I want to live not for any bad move on my part, but for really plausible reasons. I become agitated, lose the peace, do not live in the present, start worrying. 

Then I think of the dream team not to unburden myself, but to put in common what God is doing right now within me. I want to love, that is not to expect anything in return. I need the dream team so that we can go together on this part of the journey, because together we are strong in loving in the present moment. But if God wants me to go it alone, that's fine too, because he come before anything else. 

Suddenly peace returns. I live the present moment attentive to others. Then a friend arrives and we spend much talking, putting in common what God does in each one of us, the joys and the pains. He is a real gift for me! 

I go to bed with Jesus amongst us, in peace. I wake up this morning having slept only four hours with a stomach upset due to the medication, feeling a bit grumpy! And I can offer all that for my friend's husband and child in South Africa. 

Jesus, I thank you for being here in the present!

The dream team

I realize how important it is that we do not suffer alone! Yesterday I received the news of a friend who is very seriously ill. In fact she is dying. Her husband naturally finds it all very difficult especially because it does not make sense.  I wanted to do something to make it all go away, but ... I do not know how. Then I discovered that communicating this moment that reminded me of my mortality in a very acute and profound way with Frank, Maria and some friends others was a key. When you can do nothing but say that you think of the other person and live, dedicate your present life to him or her, again you become aware that many things really are not as important as they seem! It is in that moment that Jesus on the cross is really close! Jesus, the powerless, the one who is unable to take away the pain, the one in apparently senseless pain!!

Be in some way together with one another in those moments is terrific, because it never stops me from loving from being outside myself, perhaps with great effort, but nonetheless! Whilst I can't suffer the same pain, because each one of us is alone in that, at least I can make it easier by being along side, perhaps in silence! Mary under the cross was simply there and I am sure it made all the difference to Jesus on the cross. She, St John and Jesus were the dream team then, Maria, Stacey, me and Jesus are the dream team now. No grand activity, but simple being there for each other now as then! I am sure that we are truly "made" to be with others in the joys and deepest sorrows. 

Loving Jesus in these moments I still manage to discover the gifts of love God gives us in these moments, such as the immensity of his love for me (true value of life in the present), the chance of my love for him in the present, the immense gift of his presence amongst us (value of friendship), the chance of becoming saints together (meaning of travelling together). In the midst of the difficulty I find myself smiling for these beautiful gifts. So even if some times through tears I can always honestly say:  Jesus you are my only good!!Life is beautiful

Teamwork

I was thinking that living in the present is a bit like being on a conveyor belt lighting candles that come past. If I concentrate on each candle I can light it. The more candles I light the more there is light. But every now and again I get distracted by the shape of the candle, or its colour. So I miss the next one. If I run after it, I will miss even more and there is less light! So, I have to stay put and starting again I light every candle that comes past me. Is that not living the present well? If we failed one moment, let's not worry. Does it matter, or short DIM? I got this from a friend who is well practised in this. Any time she and her husband are at risk of worrying, or missing something, or getting worked up about something, DIM does the job. Thanks Maria & John Walsh! 

If I have chosen the greatest thing on earth, ie God who is love, is there anything that matters more than that? Promptly I am put to the test with some not so good news about a friend. I cannot do anything practical in my condition, except worry. Or I can make sure I light those candle every moment for her, to root for her, to live my life for her! Loving the other means also to offer my little suffering as a token of my love for Jesus Forsaken. I have asked the help of the dream team, (Maria and Stacey)! By doing this I discovered how we are linked not by our suffering but by the presence of Jesus in our Midst, by the love God has for each of us and by the love we each have for Jesus on the cross. What a team, put together by God. Truly invincible.  

A great opportunity

Today I am struck by the thought that we are "designed" to interact with others. I can not think of any action that does not involve or has an effect on another person. Even when it seems that I act alone this is still true! 

Chiara speaks of a collective spirituality which is founded on the choice of God above everything else by the individuals who live it. This choice is expressed in our choice of Jesus on the Cross. Whilst I make this choice first of all in my own heart, it leads me to love my brother and sister and thereby Jesus lives amongst us. What a great gift this is! 

The second important bit of the collective spirituality is the travelling together. Each one  on their Holy Journey, of which perhaps for a short distance we go together, then in the next present moment I travel with someone else. Thus, today I travelled briefly with my mother, my brother, with colleagues at work, with friends, the window cleaner and the postie. So rather than see others as "inconvenience" or someone who disturbs me, I discover the hidden treasures in person I deal with in the present moment! But most of all I can discover the way God loves me through that neighbour. Sometimes it is easy to discover, sometimes that love is more hidden. 

How many gifts are waiting for me! This is the revolution: To aim to live with the Trinity amongst us transforming all relationships into love! What a bomb this is! God amongst men and women! The only thing I need to do, put him above everything else, which I can by just reminding myself each morning and each evening: 

Because you are Forsaken Jesus, because you are Desolate Mary, I offer you this day. As Jesus and Mary loved God the Father above all, even in the most extreme suffering so can I! What a great opportunity!

And each surprise makes me smile. We are going our road together for a while, be it a moment or longer! So I am never alone! Beautiful. If I feel alone, it's because I can not see the treasures hidden in the others! Today then I want to find and count these gifts. I bet there will be lots of smiles!

God cannot be outdone in generosity

I was tempted to reflect on how best spend my limited time, and was so pleased when I was able to dismiss those thoughts in favour of living in the present. I sensed that for me there is a danger to get bogged down with thoughts of that kind. 

All the more I was pleased to see how Chiara dealt with this. It was so refreshing first of all to see here redefining death as her meeting with Jesus. I want to be at my best for my meeting with Jesus! All in order, having overcome some of these bad bits in my character, being always loving and kind, perfect as the heavenly father is perfect! But there are a few snags: 

First of all, my life belongs to Jesus Forsaken. He has never left me and will not leave no matter what I do. What a gift!! No matter what he will be there! God who is faithful in his love for me!!Jesus you are my only good! 

Secondly, is it in my power to get there? What is impossible to us is possible to God. God loves me enormously. He, in his love knows what's best for me. So, why not just o out love the person he puts next to me in the present moment?

Thirdly, in concentrating on all of these improvements, I don't really live the present moment, I don't love the person Jesus puts next to me in the present and who may just be the key to my meeting with Him. 

Fourthly, as part of this marvellous family we are going to God together! I chose to respond to Gods love by loving him above anything else, anything also my getting to Paradise. Nothing will stand between me and my love for God. I love him in the people around me. Perhaps with Jesus amongst us it is easier for all of us to get there!

God is teaching me some really healthy, simple lessons and I wished I had learnt them earlier, but again, lets stay in the present. I was reflecting on how much energy I waste sometimes to prove that I am right or to defend a position taken. As if my life depended on it!! The only effect it seems to have is to put strain on the relationship with the other person...for no good reason. I then need to worry about repairing the damage! In the present there is only one important thing: The person next to me whom I need to discover as gift for me!. Therein also lies the answer to my quest about the rest of my time: It will be a time of countless present moments, each full of presents, unexpected gifts and...much joy!! God cannot be outdone in generosity!

Your love for me

In order to welcome in ourselves the All it is necessary to be nothing as Jesus Forsaken. (...) It is necessary to be in front of everyone in an attitude of learning also because we really have to learn from others.

I understood these days what it actually means to be nothing. It is not just nothing as in denying my abilities, the talents God has given me. It is not the attitude of "I am not worthy and have nothing to say or contribute". It is not the attitude of "I rather not say anything because I am not as capable as the others". All attitudes I once held in the belief that God wanted me to be more humble. In these days I learnt what humility really is: First of all my hosts! The ability to simply love by deeds, in the small things, the cup of coffee, share the daily struggles not as giving lectures of life, but simply without fuss trying each day together to understand that God loves us immensely! But most of all never to give up loving each other even if the other some time drive you up the wall. Secondly, I went to visit a convent of the Poor Clare's. I had the impression of entering a bit of Paradise! The serenity  freedom and joy was tangible. This is what I want: free from everything to live for God!

Anyway to be nothing means really to be an active "nothing", a "nothing" that loves and is love. And I have experienced this in practice on Saturday when a few of us got together: In order to love I have to offer my opinion, I can offer my insights but once offered they are no longer mine. Instead of looking at my view or your view t then becomes and us, and our view, and the whole conversation becomes almost a by product of the most important thing: to love one another! I still find this very difficult because I can get all consumed in a good argument and quickly forget the other person! Equally I can get all wrapped up in some nice moments with people without putting them at the centre. So, I ask myself: Is there anything more important to come between me and the relationship with my neighbour? I can't think of anything! So, I carry on loving in the present moment, living for the other being that nothingness of love. 

Jesus how I thnk you for all your gifts, but most of all for your love for me! 

To love in the present

Today I am finding it really difficult to focus, to live the present moment. I suppose part of this is to do with the fact that I had a very good night's sleep and I am very chuffed with progress on the eating front. In the moment I am into toast and I had loads of it, but more so yesterday I had a plate of pasta!! Is it the change of environment, is it the food, is it the recovery process from the chemo? It doesn't really matter. It is a gift from God. 

So, back to the present moment leaving things behind and loving my neighbour. I have offer to look at some computers and I will do that ...as an act of love. 

Jesus, thank you for today, thank you for your help to make sure that I remain always focussed on you. Today you ask to forgive one another so that the Father will forgive us. I understood that love only knows love. So, if I love by forgiving my neighbour, God who is love can see that. If I don't forgive, I don't love, and God can't see, so he can't forgive me! It's quite strong this, and easy to forget in the hustle and bustle of the day.

Strawberries

A man was walking through a field when he encountered a tiger. He ran off, closely followed by the tiger. When the man reached a precipice, in his desperation he clung to the root of a wild vine and was left dangling over the edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down, where, at the bottom of the abyss, another tiger was waiting to devour him. Only the root of the vine was holding him. Then two mice, one white and one black, little by little began to gnaw on the vine. At this point the man saw beside him a beautiful wild strawberry. Grasping the vine with one hand, he took the strawberry with the other. Oh, how sweet is was!

I really liked this! In the midst of the greatest disaster God will always show his love in a small way that has to be discovered. Let discover a few strawberries today! 

You are my only good

Yesterday I went to an event at the Olympics and I was struck by three things:

1. The determination of all the athletes focussed to such an extent that they were oblivious to what was going on around them. It made me think: Am I as focussed loving my neighbour in the present moment? Or get I distracted by many things that intrude into that moment?
2. Even though they ran in the race and were visible, each athlete was an expression of many others behind the scenes. If all went well all were happy, if things did not work out all were concerned. The working together was an expression of communion. Even though it was for one purpose only, how much more could I achieve if I live in communion with the other: We would bring the Trinity to the world!!
3. Finally I was struck that in interviews the individual never spoke of their own achievements, but they were very conscious of the hidden work of many others! Am I conscious of our collective sanctity? Its not who is going to God but us!

A good lesson for me, anyway. 

The "more" is God, and it was he who chose us, that he calls us to be his collaborators. What more do we want? And that's why we're not even thinking: "But is it better now? Was it better yesterday? Will be better tomorrow?". The moment of God is the best. God is always present, there is no before and after, there is no yesterday and tomorrow for God, as there is for us. But God is always present, God works, God is working in history, God is working in the history of each one of us, in the history of our Movement, in the history of the Church, in the history of the churches in the history of humanity, and he honours us by calling us to be his collaborators. What more do we want? Let us feel rich, lucky for this wonderful thing that has happened, that happened to us, because we too, maybe we could say: "But I, yes, of course, my whole life is a commitment, right (...) I work for God, I promise, I give everything to God. "But here we must be aware that God is the all of our lives, not even the commitment to him, not even giving the day or live for the Opera with all our selves. No, the most important person is God, first of all there is God!

Emmaus was talking to the focolarine in Rome. But nevertheless, if God is not at the centre of my life, that is love my neighbour, than other things will be. So for me today: you are my only good! 

God amongst humanity

I realised over the past two days how important it is to have Jesus in our Midst. Actually, I realised that it is the most important aspect of our life! How often do I get distracted by the details of my life without putting it into the right perspective. 

God has given me, us, the biggest gift he could: His love. His love above everything all the details of my daily life, whether I am ill or well, hungry or satisfied, full of joy or sad, right or wrong, a master or a disaster. I believe that all these things can be a means to love, a means to increase the presence of Jesus amongst us. I offer them to Jesus to increase the love amongst us, so that he is present! Its a difficult thing sometimes, but alone we can do nothing. Together, with Jesus in our Midst, everything is possible! 

In these days it is a constant lesson for me to understand that whilst putting my opinion, experience or concerns to others, it always has to be as a gift. I express them, and then I have them no longer, because I have given them, and I am free, totally free to listen to the other. The miracle happens every time when both of us live like this, because the only thing that matters is Jesus amongst us. That is such a new way to do things that it is very powerful, because it is not me or you, but really Jesus who moves things on. How powerful is that! God amongst humanity!

In the present

I found this definition by Chiara  of what it means to love! Back to basics! Such a simple thing can produce such great effects, namely the presence of a God amongst us!! I keep think if we all lived like this we would be in Paradise. But if only a small group of us lived like this then Paradise, the life of the Trinity would be amongst us!! Mind blowing. 

Loving someone does not mean sentimentality. To love someone is to do to others as we would have done to us This is the gospel. For example, if I had a pain I would like to be comforted, if I had a doubt I'd like to be reassured, if I were ignorant, I'd wish someone would instruct me, if I needed any clothes I'd wish someone would get me some, if I was sick I'd wish someone would visit me, if I were hungry, thirsty, I'd like someone to bring me some food. Even if you were in joy I wish someone shared it with me, because a joy shared is a joy multiplied. Loving someone means, therefore, do to others what you would want done to oneself, and at the same time to love someone is not to do to others what you would not want done to oneself. For example, I would not like to be hated, forgotten, abandoned, slandered, so I ought not to slander, or leave, I must not do to others what I do not want done to me. This is to love someone.

I will truly enter the life of God, who is love. Hence our spirituality has to be communitarian, because the life of God is "communitarian". All this I live in the present moment and again Chiara has a simple definition: 

If Scripture teaches us to do the small things well, this is precisely the characteristic of who does nothing else but what God asks of him in this present moment.

If one lives in the present, God lives in him and if God is in him, love is in him. Who lives in the present is patient and persevering, is meek, poor, pure, merciful, because s/he has love in its highest and genuine expression. S/he truly loves God with all his/her heart, soul, strength and is illuminated from within, is guided by the Holy Spirit. The person living the present does not judge, thinks no evil, love one's neighbour as oneself, has the strength of the evangelical madness of turning the other cheek, or to go the extra mile ...

It 's often the occasion to "give to Caesar what is Caesar's" because many times must fully live his life as a citizen ... and so on.

I mean, who lives in the present is in Christ, Truth.

Apologies for the rough translation. It is so beautiful, because it is so true. I only have the present and therefore can only be truly happy if I am in the present, because all that is good, positive for me I find in the present!! i realise that this is not easy, but it is possible!

Jesus make me stay in the present always. Make me love in the present always. 

Jesus amongst us

In the last few days I have become much more aware of the beauty of life, because we all can give in small ways. I notice that nothing happens in a big way unless there are many small contributions. I was thinking today for moment that I would want to be around this place a bit longer until I spoke to a good friend who has just accompanied her mother to paradise. It dawned on me that I am made for life with God! He wants me in paradise, he wants us in paradise! Perhaps I got too used to this world of suffering and imperfections that I can't imagine anything better. Would I want to live here forever? Certainly not!

It is very true that we are made to travel together. The more I go ahead the more I become aware of this! It is my neighbour who gives me life really. And I can do the same even now. This morning I had a text from someone who then was considering leaving her family. I shared this with a friend and by living together for this person by evening I had a text saying that my reply had really helped. It wasn't really my reply. It really was our reply! The friend I shared this with gave me so much light in a simple way to know what to say.

Then in the evening I had another communication from a friend. Here is a bit of the dialogue:

Friend: X going into hosp this morning. She has developed fluid again around her lungs but this time it is pressing on her heart causing her breathing difficulties and these incredibly painful spasms just below her ribs. poor girl can't think clearly. I wonder when this sodding thing will give us a break. Things are really hard at the minute.

Me: Y, I can imagine a little how it must be. Listening to you and her I wished I could do something. The only thing that comes to mind is thinking of you both and hope you can have the strength to stay in the present. right now its all you have! Its a long haul! I am with both of you!

Friend: Thanks mate. That means a lot.

Me: You are never alone, mate. I will always be there if only in spirit. Together we make it!

Friend: Absolutely!!

Then a long conversation with my brother. A real gift! I am privileged twice, because of a great brother and because we can have Jesus amongst us. Every one of the people today have given me something precious, something that has made me the person I am. 

Jesus, suddenly everything makes sense.You are with me all the time. I just need to believe it and find you in my neighbour in the present moment! You are a constant gift to us, if we love one another above all else. How mind blowing is this: To have a God amongst us!

I came across a marvellous song, a Gregorian chant written by St Thomas Aquinas. This version is very moving (http://youtu.be/r3H5f7oePQE). It talks about the wonder of the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. 

I am human

Yesterday evening I was in a real black hole. I didn't want all this any more! For a minute or two it all seemed too much: The fact there is no cure, the fear of losing everything, why oh why? Then I went to bed tired. 

Today I realised again how lucky I am! I have God! I have Jesus right next to me, and if I love and be outside myself I have Jesus in the midst. even in the very suffering i find Jesus: It is unbelievable! I was listening to some music I found on the internet. It was pure genius! How some people can produce such harmonies! It is a real gift! It was talking about God: You are beautiful! I leave you the link   http://youtu.be/PJD_zfQ7cpk .

In the afternoon I had the most mind blowing visit from a staff member! We shared our experience of the love of God for each one of of us. There was a real meeting of minds!   a real gift. Another gift was a phone call with an uncle who has been out of touch for nearly 20 years due to a falling out. We talked for over 30mins! It was so simple! Just pick up the phone! Why did it take me so long? 

Now the questions have gone, I am smiling again enjoying each present moment. I am sure it was because I did not dwell on my fears and questions but did things for others. Once I was loving Jesus in my neighbour despite the suffering I was able to live the present moment. I am so glad I am human! 

Thanks for all your love

If we are united Jesus is among us. (...) And then we live the life that He gives us, moment by moment. It is the fundamental commandment of fraternal charity: "Ante omnia ..." (cf. 1 Pet 4.8). So all has value that is an expression of sincere brotherly love. Nothing has value if in it there is not  the sentiment of love for the brethren: for God is Father and has in his heart always and only his children. (Chiara)

Chiara's reflection is very beautiful It seems very simple but at the same time a great challenge, because it depends not only on me but on us that there is mutual love and therefore the presence of Jesus amongst us.
Yesterday I had a day full of challenges to mutual love. First of all, Frank was in the hospital for some test. A sudden change and a challenge to believe in God's love for us. I offered my day for Frank in particular. I saw that God always takes me seriously when I offer him anything. At the same time that Frank had the medical examination I was talking to my bosses about my future at work. It seemed very clear in my head that returning to work full time as before was not possible. Even to go back part time seems in doubt. I felt that God was asking me to leave work, to give it to him as a gift. If you give someone a gift you don't have it any more, because you have given it away. It was an addition to the list of gifts in these last few months: First there is my health, then my independence, then the various activities that I am not able to follow through, then the driving licence, then the taste for food, then the job! All things that I like very much!
Jesus, I may not have always willingly made you all these gifts. So here is my chance: All is yours. Then I got the hundredfold: I'm still pretty good without pain! I live with you in our midst here at home free from many things! You gave me the opportunity to live and do small things for the Opera. Instead of doing all kinds of things and being very active you give me time to live the present moment well, anchored in your love as my big brother. The love of my brothers is an opportunity to eat more and make the effort. The talents you have given me for work I can use for your Opera! But above all, you gave me the gift of being much more focused on the life with you in our midst and in me. You really have become much more "my only good". Then with my brother and sisters we can give life to the Opera with the Holy Spirit showing us what to do next!
I realised that loving the other person means to be constantly on the alert that "things" do not get in the way of relationships, because then love is no longer love. So, more often now than before I will ask myself during a conversation: Is the other still the most important thing in the present, or has it become the things we talk about? Still need to start again many times. 

Jesus, with all this I am struck by the great gift of your presence! God, the Trinity, amongst us, like Mary, that is, without much fuss, but simply there. A first taste of paradise in the midst of this world?

Together with Him

This morning seems a little strange. After a very interrupted night I am already quite tired shattering the illusion if I ever had it, that I am fit and well. Over the past two or three days I have been quite active, but perhaps too much so and things are catching up with me. I really can't do what I was used to some time ago! My body knows that, but does my mind?

Jesus, I offer you this continuous limitation, this being able to do little! But is it little, if anything I do out of love cannot be little? 

Under a different perspective I am quite conscious of how much I am in God's hand. Yesterday I learnt that Umberto de Osti went to Paradise. The day before Padre Novo, the week before Dimitri ended up in hospital and today someone else I know well is on his way to hospital. Mark's dad went to Paradise not long ago, Sam Penny went to Paradise. It all points to the fact that life here is very temporary, despite the fact that most of us behave as if we are here forever. 

More than anything else Jesus is telling me to live well in the present moment. Bring love where there is no love and you will find love! I have to live each moment as if it was the last moment I have. I became very conscious of this yesterday speaking to my mother about a relative we have not had contact for over 20 years due to some row . I asked her for the phone number to speak to them at the weekend. So many things become unimportant in the light of all this. The most important aspect of my life is to love my neighbour. Only Jesus amongst us can give us peace and joy. Only he makes sense of all this. There lies the challenge: to see everything with His eyes. If we are made to love, if we are made to love one another, if we are made to have Jesus amongst us, He will give us the help to live well our adventure with him moment by moment. One of the big gifts is to be able to go together through these moments, because then Jesus is always with us. 

I am loved

Today is a new month and a new Word of Life. Reading it I was quite frightened and worried: Am I really acknowledging Jesus before others? What should I do to improve? But then I saw the answer in the same Word of Life. Through mutual love do we give witness! Together, not just me. Yes I have to live mutual love, but for that I need somebody else. Immediately a number of examples came to mind, but most of all I realised that even the worry about that I need to give to God to be free to love. God's love never will ask anything of me I can't do! So, with my soul at peace I throw myself in the present moment, fully 100%. 

Yesterday I was given a number of tips of how to support my treatment with supplements and reading other experiences of people going through the same thing. I soon realised that I actually have the most important thing: Jesus in me and around me! I feel so privileged by having the most precious thing in the relationship with God. I don't want to diminish any of the other things, but there is just no substitute for knowing that I am loved by a God and that the love he has for me will grow if I in turn love my neighbour in the present moment. In that love he will also point me to the right things to do. That love will also answer my concerns about my way to give witness. Jesus, you are simply great!