This morning I went to work to tell them I am not coming back to work because I am going for medical retirement. Another step to hand something I really loved to God. In one sense it felt sad, but in another I was reminded of the time I had a really bad day at the office and in a rash moment I asked Jesus to find a way by which I could earn my money but work for the movement. Well I never though he would find a way!!
I went to mass tonight and as it happened I had a very good conversation with Jesus. I told him that I am ready to live and work for the Opera the way I am, the way he wants me to be, for how long he wants me to do it. In a way I was angling for him to keep me around a bit longer, but I was afraid that I was doing it just because I would like it. Do I love him with an interested love? I suddenly realised to my horror that if all my living in present had that motivation, I would be in a bad way, because I would not really love! On the way out of church I spoke to the priest who suddenly said that he had heard from somebody in a situation similar to mine: I am ready. I have my diary to God to fill in from now on!! There was my answer to my prayer! Jesus, here is my diary. I pencilled a few things in, but you fill it in each day and I shall do my best to love you in the appointments you have put down for me.
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