Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

I realised that I am much more ready to accept anything as God’s gift if it is something positive, ie if I am well or if I had nice present, I am healthy and feeling good, I see that things are going right for me. Then God loves me and the world is ok. When things are not going so well, when I don’t understand what’s happening or have no control over what might be happening I start praying like mad asking God for this and that. Also I note that all of a sudden my life of prayer is more consistent I might go to mass in a more attentive manner. I wonder how much this sound familiar. 

My experience over the past few months has been different from previous one. I soon realised that everything that happens to me is an expression of God’s love for me, including the brain tumour! And when I look at it from that viewpoint there have been lots of fruits:

1. My relationship with God has grown and I am learning to love him without expecting anything in return giving everything to him, my life, my all in order to do his will. 

2. Like Jesus on the Cross has given everything to the point of being nothing out of love for Him, so I must stay in this divine dimension, giving without looking to receive, being totally in donation!

3. Suffering and love in God are the same reality: They are both love and Jesus on the Cross transforms suffering into love by going beyond the wounds to continue to love the other in the present. 

4. In my relationship with Jesus he wants me to become more like him! So gradually he removes my abilities, or better he gives me an opportunity to give them as a gift of love. I realise that before I was very active, now I can hardly move, before I was quick and busy, now I am slow and deliberate. 

5. As the illness progresses life becomes simpler because the only thing that remains is God. So, I live more and more in that dimension. 

But whilst that may sound ok it is some time very hard to live because it is very real. The limitations and frustrations resulting from being limited are God’s love for me, even if I kick off in frustration against them! It is a real journey with its trials and every morning I have to offer the day to God as gift of love. I have to stay in the divine dimension in order to be love and do his will not mine. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven!