A privilege

This morning I woke up with a profound sense of frustration. I had a very good night’s sleep, perhaps the longest since the second operation! I had the strongest headache yet and… a sore throat! It was clear to me that I did too much yesterday and will need some rest today. But not only that, I was conscious of the fact that I so much depended on others for all kinds of things! Things I would have done very simply and quickly would take a long time! My “old man” as St Paul would say doesn’t help either in the process! Then I remember: ‘Go and learn what this means, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” ’ Jesus, because you are on the Cross, I offer you this suffering as a gift of love! It is still painful, but it is love, your love!

Then I come across the following writing from St Francis:

“You must consider as grace all that impedes you from loving God and whoever becomes an impediment to you, whether brothers or others, even if they lay hands on you. And may you want it to be this way and not otherwise. And let this be for you the true obedience of the Lord God, (…) and love those who do those things to you and do not wish anything different from them unless it is something the Lord God shall have given you. And love them in this and do not wish them to be better Christians.

Can Jesus respond to my frustration this morning any better than this? Everything is God’s love for me! Without the pain this morning I would not have had the gift of understanding his love. Without the moment to reflect I would not have the opportunity to start again, to love to be nothing, to be in God’s hands, not to tick a box of one kind or another, but to love! Is this not the communion of Saints? Loving one another we truly link heaven and earth! My neighbour is God’s love for me, always, because from eternity that gift of love has been created for me! What a privilege!