These last two days have been full of gifts of the love of God for me. I am more than ever conscious of the fact that God loves me immensely, in the present, the way I am. Forever I come up against my limited human thinking which inevitably centres on me and my things. I believe it is part of the human condition, but God has given me his son to be at my side always. Jesus, abandoned on the cross is always there in all the brokenness, frustration, anxiety and perhaps most of all the unknown, the ever changing. In preparation of the forthcoming operation I wanted to go to Aylesford for a time of prayer and reflection. It was not possible, because the people I was hoping to meet weren't available! Initially, it seemed a little harsh to get told to come back another time, when there is no other time! Then, I realised: it is not about being prepared, it is about me again! Where I am God cannot be, where I am there no love of God. I started again to love, to be outside myself for my neighbour, sorting out things at home and that was probably the best preparation for me: to grow in love!! Tomorrow, the plan is to go to hospital and I want to go in peace loving being that nothingness of love without expecting anything and being there with Jesus in the present moment. There, I find his love for me. As he lives with me now in joy and pain, I can live for others giving all.
Being gift for the others, it is not actually me who is the gift, but it is us: Jesus and I as one. Isn't it marvellous to live in communion with Jesus moment by moment reflecting the life of the Trinity! It’s mind boggling, but an immense gift. So, even if I go into hospital, although I may physically go on my own, I am not, because in God we live in ever greater communion! If only we were more conscious of the presence of God in us and amongst us, then soon the world would be one, because invaded by the infinite variations of his love expressed through each one of us in a unique way!
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