Paradise in our Midst

How many people do you meet during your day - from dawn to dusk - in as many you see Jesus. How many err watching the creatures and things in order to possess them! And their look is selfishness or envy. They look at themselves to dominate themselves, and their gaze is empty because they are annoyed or upset.

Yes, it's me who is not seeing Jesus. I see that someone bothers me or that someone is good to me. If it's the first I stop loving and unwittingly put this dislike between me and my neighbour. If it's the second I do the same, only it's much nicer and pleasant, but basically I do not love my neighbour, my sister or  brother. I love because I want something from the other, or are jealous of the gift that God gave to my neighbour to the extent that I can not see the gift he gave me! In the end I find myself to be obsessed with chasing a false perfection wanting be ever more "perfect" in the sense of not making mistakes but always do the right thing. Not achieving this I then think I am a failure and this paralyses me and does not leave me free to love. In all of this,  Jesus, you never left me.  In fact, you showed me how to live:

Thus the life of God in us needs to circulate so that it radiates and gives witness to Christ: the One that links heaven and earth, brother to brother.

The life of God must be put into circulation! I think a little bit I'm doing this in various ways, not for me but for God, for the presence of Jesus among us. And I see that it really binds heaven and earth! If I love without interest, if I love because I want to love God, there is no more mine or yours, but ours. Jesus, let me live this reality, particularly when I get immersed in the things of the day, when one or the other thing or opinion seems to me so important that I forget the gift my neighbour is, the gift you are in that present moment. My vocation is to  love you in my neighbour so that you remain in our midst. So we can have heaven in our midst ... forever! So,  I offer a sleepless night, all my health, my worries, all I offer as a gift of love!

Hooked up with the inside

Living "inside", to always listen to that voice that speaks within us: the conscience, the voice of God, which is the same thing. That we must always act in agreement with this voice, until we reach the point where we can no longer act "outside" if we do not agree "inside": there is something in the soul that keeps us "hooked up" with the "inside", with the voice of God, with God's will. 

 I was very struck by this passage by Chiara. In fact it is true that over the years and by habit I developed a permanent dialogue with Jesus. Trying to be love always in the present losing everything especially the little things for the sake of the other. I live because I am full of love, not for my ideas or feelings. So even the smallest things I have to lose not because it is not right, but because it needs to be love. So, how to do one thing or another, what seems to be the right picture for what room, how to go about approaching this problem or that. I think we all know the temptation to be "experts" people "with "knowledge and experience" in one field or another. And it is important that I give me contribution with love, which means once given it is no longer mine. The first thing remains the love between us. Then I trust that Jesus cares for me even in everyday things. Then "give and you shall receive ..." To love without interest, without wanting anything, and to be part of the divine adventure of the daily life. 

So I realise that, above all, I need patience, and always just listen to the others. Really listen, not listen already formulating your response, no living in that present moment 100% by listening. Jesus, there you talk through my neighbour and there do I hook up with you in me! I thank you for the gift of my companions, their love and their patience. Give me the same love and the same patience for them. How can I live without them? I would not be touched by the divine in the midst of the world! I would not live with you in our midst!

I have God as my friend

The present moments remains for me the most powerful thing! I can do so much in the present, but most of all life become so simple: I just have to love, to be there for others! 

Instead moments lived in the hope of living something better which may never come seems a bit of a waste of that moment. I can hope living in the present, or hope living in what I haven't got, the future. By living in the future I am not able to love the person next to me, because my attention is elsewhere. So, to live the present I have to love Jesus Forsaken first of all, ie give up or die a little to myself. And where there is a death there is a resurrection, often the hundredfold, but we often don't see it becasue we are taken by the negative. 

Jesus plays hide and seek with me, only it is more than a play, its a getting used to handing over the things to him in the present. Often I can't find him by myself but together we can see him. So, even in the greatest panic or anxiety I can always find him, forsaken or risen, but him, which is the important bit!  I need to learn more and more to hand things over to him present amongst us and present in me. Trust him, know he is with me always. What a great opportunity. I HAVE A GOD AS MY FRIEND! This is the ultimate! If God loves me that much, I can but give this love to others. 

Often it only takes a word or a gesture from a friend. I just need to see it. So, back to loving with his love on this sunny day, thanking him for all I have received today, now!

The daily struggle

"Our struggle starts again every day by living the commandment that Jesus left us: "Love one another as I have loved you."

Our struggle. Chiara calls it. It seems to me very true. I wake up after a night in which I was more awake than asleep, unrefreshed,  perhaps a little grumpy , .. and now I lose the opportunity to love my brother! Sure it's a struggle, but alone I can not do it. Chiara's answer:

Loving our neighbor as ourselves is realized only when the two are one and one becomes the other and the other one gets the first.

The life of the Trinity. More and more I am struck by the brief moments of contemplation amidst the cleaning here and there, and the practical tasks. But this kind of contemplation is not solitary, no it is the result of mutual love, it is the presence of Jesus amongst us.  I am truly in God, in dialogue with Jesus, but not neglecting the acts of love of the moment! Yesterday I realized a little 'more what Jesus means to me, in the other. I can give something to God every moment, that is the word he thought of when he created me I can be his word come to life!  I'm so happy to be able to make a gift to him, to be a reply to his immense love, at least a little. But it struck me even more that my answer is born out of the love I have for his word come to life in my neighbour. It is not me, but us!.

It struck me that love for each other really covers everything. Instead of seeing that this or that is wrong, there is only positive, as God sees things. And that's part of the struggle to see what seems negative, the mistakes and shortcomings to see as positives as a gift for us. But again, we can do this together. 

Seeing the start of the Olympics I was struck by humanity's ability to do good, certainly with much suffering underneath, but if we are by nature able to do such good with such effect, how much more would we be able to accomplish  if we were prepared to lose everything for God? I contemplated the work of God in the many people being together! It gave me so much optimism, I realize that the life of God, ie, love for each other is part of our DNA. We just need to feed it to make it burst out

Jesus, thank you for these gifts today! I ask: Let me love you more and more, because I love you above all things.

Thanks for all these gifts

To love seems such an obvious thing for me to do and yet... it all comes back to the small things. It is not an idea, a concept, I conclude that to love is my life. I am alive in the present moment when I love, because, I suspect I am part of God's very own life. God is love! So, by loving my neighbour in the small things of the present moment I am part of God! Quite something! God among people! But I can only do this with his help! 

Yesterday was a good example of all the small things that happened. By the evening I there was a plan of God I could contemplate, a plan which gave me lots of chances to love: My brother at home, colleagues at work, fellow passengers on the train, the train driver, nurses at the hospital, etc. By the time I got to bed I was at peace and joyful, because I really felt God with me in all these things. Today, after another night of little sleep, I have another great day to do nothing but to love in the present. Jesus, you are great! Thanks for all these gifts, thanks for this marvellous family of the Opera (I don't actually like that word, but never mind). Thanks for a marvellous Mariapolis with you being at the centre of it.

A Brilliant day

Today was a reality check day. 

1. I went to see the doc because I was a bit worried about possible infections as I recently came in contact with some nasty bug. On the way to hospital I was thinking of what might happen, and what they may say in reaction. In the end I was told not to worry. 
2. They had a detailed look at my diet as I am loosing weight. I got a lot of very useful tips. 
3. This morning I was rather impatient with myself mostly about the things I needed to do. I banged my head, the ticket machine at the stations wasn't showing what I expected, the panic about the infections sun burn due to my sensitive skin, etc. 

The reality check? The challenge to live in the present loving the other and most of all loving Jesus on the Cross in all these small things. How important small things can be. In the end it was Jesus in the shape of my neighbour who was there once again. A colleague who simply said: "Don't panic", a text which talked to me about the present moment and starting a again, of loving the neighbour in the present although he wanted to be somewhere else. And suddenly I saw the sun shining, the friendly nurse who told me not to worry, the very helpful dietician. There is God among us. I could offer everything for the Mariapolis and there I am in the Mariapolis for the closing ceremony!! What a brilliant day! And the passa parola for today: Believe in the love of God! How can I not.

Positive out of negative

There is always a surprise! Just thinking of yesterday. First the surprise of having John & Maria to visit. There was such a peace and deep connection on lots of levels. It was a real gift. Then the sudden admission to hospital of a dear friend. Jesus, you don't let anyone get bored really!! I realised that the living the present moment is just such a gift, such a grace, because I can be open to what God wants me to do. I was totally at peace because I knew I was in His hands every moment. Michael came to help where I could not do anything and Callan came back from Leicester. Jesus, it is about accepting my limits, physical as well as any others and that means an excuse for us to do things together as act of love. Brilliant. All of a sudden things are very positive! 

What a great Mariapolis

It is really strange not to be at the Mariapolis, especially if you have been there for years!! No matter. Now what counts is to be in the present moment and to love in this present moment the person next to me. If I manage that, we should all meet in God in our present moments! Very cool that!! It means that time and distance are really not that important. So my contribution for today is the sleepless night I had, the boiling room due to the sun shining on it, the lack of appetite, etc. All that is a gift because I do something with it: Love. So, here I am at home and yet with everybody in the present. What a great Mariapolis!!

Renew the Pact

Today is the day of the pact. How nice it was to get my first text of the day renewing the pact! So I want to do the same with each one today in a special way, now and during the day. 

Next steps

This is just a continuation of the communion of my little journey since the last time! The adventure continues and from a practical point of view I have now entered the second part of my chemo treatment. I have just finish the second round of that second part feeling quite rough for not sleeping and sickly. Now I will have three weeks to recover. My Scotland trip had to be postposned because of a detached retina, but it was great because with varying tricks I was able to eat discovering the beauty of smoothies! Last Tuesday I had a meeting with the doctor and he though I looked really well although he is worried about my weight loss. Against all the odds it was possible to see things clearly on the MRI scan which showed "improved appearances compared to the previous MRI of 12th March 12". This was unexpected good news! What a gift from God!!
Last Saturday I managed to run two workshops at the Bright Lights festival in Aylesford explaining a little how I live my faith in the light of pain and suffering. The echoes were very positive. The following day I was asked to update the couples who met in WGC.

I have to say that there are so many graces and gifts attached to this experience, that I am really moved by it. God is really at work despite me and my condition. But there are also moments of darkness, when I wished I was not ill, when I wished I could do more even around the house, when I am afraid of what is to come, and when I loose patience. However, God's love is never far away. Reading some answers given by Emmaus I understood again that, 

1. I only have the present moment. There will be regrets of the past and there will be fears for the future, but I only have the present to offer to God. 
2. I am convinced that God has not given me this tumour just for myself, but to live in communion with others. Hence the I need to love always, which means to be outside myself. My biggest help and model is Jesus on the cross, who despite his biggest suffering continues to be there for others, his mother and St John in the first place but also for us. 
3. I think God wants us to be completely free to love, to love in such a way that he can be amongst us first of all, before everything. For me this has been another important experience. The presence of Jesus gives peace and joy in the midst of what might seem a disaster. It means God amongst us!!!How great is that!
4. Giving my moments a purpose is my contribution to the life of the Opera.  This coming week I will offer everything for the Mariapolis preparations, For Pat and Mark in their particular part of their journey. 

Be sure of my unity. Unfortunately due to the high risk of infection I will not be physically present at the Mariapolis. But rest assured I will offer every moment for it! And we will always be united in the pact of unity.