Is God Still Love During Times of Illness?

This morning I came across this experience from the Genfest in Budapest, powerful and, from my point of view so true! It made me reflect on how much God loves me in the very small things of my life. I still can love him just believing that all that happens to me is his love for me!

My name is Magued and I grew up in a Christian family. When I was three my mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. This illness progressed until she was paralysed and blind. From when I was small I learned how to help her together with my dad, my brother and my sister. I dreamed that my mum would get well again, and be like my friends’ mothers, but as time passed I realised that this was not to be.

My siblings and I learned to accept this will of God, to believe that everything contributes to good for those who love God. And we became very united amongst us and were aware of a grace that helped us always.

Six years ago we found out that my sister had a tumour. It was then that I went into crisis with God and could not accept that my sister was ill, so I asked God if I could take her place because I could have dealt with it better. As time passed I accepted my sister’s illness that despite the treatment, was not getting better.

Four years ago my mother died and at that time I felt a great suffering and emptiness in my life. It was as though part of my heart had been detached and gone with her.

Then two years ago, while having a check up about an eye problem, I found out that I had my mother’s same illness. I had just finished university and thought I had a future in front of me…  All of a sudden everything vanished. I was in anguish thinking that one day I would wake up paralysed or I would have lost my sight as she did.  I felt it was the devil who tempted me to start doing everything immediately, even bad things, which later I would not be able to do.  These temptations stopped when I understood that what made me happy was to live each day as if it were my last, in a deep relationship with God.

Then I started a new job, and I met a girl, an angel, who was ready to carry with me all the difficulties that I might meet in future.  Many of my friends say that they pray for me so that I may be cured, but I answer that I pray for them, so that each one of us is ill in some way.

One evening a few months ago my sister phoned me when I was out with my friends, and asked me to come back because she did not feel well.  I went home and sat beside her and we began to pray together. We were not used to doing this but it was as though a voice said to me: “pray with her Magued.” A little while later she felt worse, she leant her head on me and passed away.

In recent months every now and then I had a relapse. I was not able to hold a pen, or I lost the feeling in an arm, and for a while I could not see properly which made the situation at work difficult. When these things happen I remember my mother and my sister, who despite their pain, they had eyes filled with joy and peace. It is as if they were saying to me: don’t be afraid, continue believing in the Love of God and witness it with your life.