As I move on I become more and more aware of the effects the drugs have on me. It seems that everything is slowing down, even the typing! The faster I try to type the more mistakes I make. I need to speak slower in order that my words can be understood. I need more rest and one could get very worried about this. One thing I think I have learnt during this period is to adapt, to live in the present the way I do best. I have slowed down and will probably slow down further, but it is all good for living the present well and in depth. Another challenge to love and take these new limits as a gift from God. It made me realise how much I missed before doing things in a hurry. One temptation is to be sick instead of being love! Another effect of the drug are the mood swings. Naturally I ask myself is it the drugs or is it the tumour? But then DIM? I need to live accepting my new limits. it is a gift, because it allows me to love more. Love truly conquers all! Even my new physical limitations allowing me to do thing in more depth. However, I did notice that if I don't look at myself but at how best to love, life suddenly becomes quite different. So it is all an encouragement to love more slowly but more intensely. What a chance to live the present moment without hurry!
There are moments of pain and suffering, which in my view are big temptations to turn in on yourself, where I usually find a big black hole. My vision becomes narrow and very negative. I don't notice the beauty of the world around me, sometimes hidden, sometimes for all to see! It's enough to know how to find the hidden beauty in the things around me. Today I had a seemingly wasted journey to the hospital. But I was with a friend for an hour which was very nice. I came back being happy in a more profound way! So more smiles thanks to Fergus. Ho can I not say that life is beautiful?
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