Even being ill as I am and limited in my ability there are so many little things to do: I want to share my experience and so I have to do these blogs, facebook etc, there are things round the house I can help with, there are things which nobody has been doing because there was not enough time etc. Then there things I would like to do, eg put some slide shows together, prepare stuff for meetings put the many ideas on paper. The temptation is to get on with it leaving everything else to one side. But then there is a major snag in my case, or a very good mechanism: Due to the medication I cannot concentrate for very long. I also get tired.
Suddenly I have a realisation that the only thing I need to do is to love, love my neighbour in the present moment, being open, listen, rest not for me for my interest, but simply for Him. Because if we love one another, that means out of love I loose all those things I want to do, I will get them back when the time is right. Of course I can go to God and complain: "Listen, God, because of this tumour I can't give you 100% and because you give me other things to do, I can't do want you want me to do, namely this and that." I had to laugh at myself! It was as if I was telling God what is good for me, when he always knows what's best for me!!It was as if I was in charge of the world's affairs, when he has always been the one to present me with the opportunities to love him.
I remember having handed him my diary. I pencilled a few things in, but he does the rest. Jesus, I love you in loosing all the things I would like to do, or better I bring them to you as gifts. In return I will love you in every present moment in the person you put next to me without complaint. I know what you want from me is the best thing that can happen to me in that moment!
Thank you for the freedom to love you in every moment.
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