Loving my neighbour I am very close to God

I am discovering that in loving my neighbour I am very close to God!

God is love and in his nature of being love he gives himself totally. His “being himself” consists of not being, out of love, Therefore he is love! If I love my neighbour in the present moment, I'm not myself, but I am what God has made me for, the word that God has had always in mind when he created me! So I don’t need to worry about “being myself”, In fact the more I am concerned about myself the less I am free to love, the way God is love. It struck me during this recent period that I did not so much have to lose a lot of things, but love my neighbour in the present moment give everything out of love. More and more I miss certain skills due to the recurring tumour: I'm more tired more quickly, I cannot be very active physically, forget things and am slower, and as consequence have to make psychological adjustments.  There are the "whys", but they do not give me the real answers and make me less free to love, to be outside myself. I remember Jesus on the Cross in his deepest suffering of being forsaken by the Father. He carried on being love and he is with me on my cross making everything is a gift of love for God. I give God everything because I love him, not because I want to get better, or have less discomfort, etc. Only then will I be truly free. 

We can be carefree, because we are children of God. Yes, because if I think, I am full of me, my concerns than there is no room for God! So how do I do it? By loving, being outside of me, turned always to the other person in the present moment: I want what the other wants, because it is Jesus who wants it. He will look after me because he loves me. I might not always see it that way, probably because I look inwards, to myself. That does not change the truth of his love for me in very moment! I have never been unloved by God! Yesterday, when with consultant we saw that another operation is necessary I was peace, profound peace, because I knew God loved me. Instead of worrying about me I tried to love the person next to me, the consultant making feel at ease, thinking about asking helpful questions, making suggestions. When he phoned me later to confirm the operation would go ahead I thought it was another sign of God’s love! Usually consultants don’t phone patients directly.

What a gift of God to be able to love! Give something to him every moment, a smile, a word, a action, but all love, expecting nothing in return! Given the love God has for me I cannot just love myself by keeping it! Then there is no longer space for his love in me. If I am full of the gifts of God, there is no room for him!