Go beyond the suffering

Last night I read a book called “like the sunshine” by Susan Gately. I was very struck by Lieta’s adventure, because although very different, it has certain similarities. One thing that struck me is the enormous presence of Jesus Forsaken with me. A year ago I learnt I that am suffering from an in curable very aggressive brain tumour that could be fatal any moment now. So the first question for me was: “why me? What have I  done wrong in God’s eyes? Then I remembered the words of Jesus on the Cross: My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Mt 27:46).”

Why? And there was no answer, as with most of my questions beginning with why! Then I look at Jesus, forsaken by his father, alone, ready to throw the towel in, but he goes on believing in the love of his father, even though he cannot see it, on the contrary even though all indication are that this love is no longer there

Pope John Paul II speaks about him at length in his recent letter entitled: “At the beginning of the new millennium”. Among other things, he says that when we speak of Jesus forsaken we confront the most “paradoxical” aspect of the mystery of the cross, before which we cannot but prostrate ourselves in adoration.

And he calls this suffering “paradoxical” because Jesus is one with the Father, whereas in the abandonment he appears to be mysteriously disunited, almost separated from him, and he says that it is not possible to imagine a greater agony, a more impenetrable darkness. However, he adds that Jesus’ cry is not the cry of anguish of a man without hope.

In fact, Jesus faced the trial: when he experienced the most dramatic separation from the Father, he didn’t remain still and frozen: On the contrary! With a paradoxical strength, with a boundless trust, he re-abandoned himself, he reunited himself to the Father saying: “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit” (Lk 23:46). And he recomposed the broken unity of human beings with God and among themselves.

So he had done all his part. He had redeemed us and reunited us into one family. Now it was up to us to correspond to this grace and to do our part, do my part: despite the appearance of a terminal illness, with all the restrictions, including pain, fears of dying, how to die, how to cope with day to day living on borrowed time, not feeling prepared to let go. All these feelings and anxieties are very real! As they were for Jesus in the garden of olives! What is my part? To believe that everything is God’s love for me and to discover this love beyond the appearances. I cannot keep this pain just to myself, like an private affair, because everything God gives to me is a gift to my brothers and sisters! We are all an expression of God’s love to one another and therefore we are created to be in communion with each other. By living my suffering well, I contribute to the whole, I am in the present what God wants me to be, now, here: an expression of his love!

This is not a logical, reasoned thing, but it is a gift of faith! If I always go beyond the suffering to love in the present moment I can follow Jesus on the Cross! Lieta has confirmed this to me by her life! Jesus Forsaken is real, more real than perhaps the things we can see and touch. He is real to the senses of my soul!